Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone! May the new year bring you (and me) all the blessings and good favor that you need and deserve!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Happy New Year!
Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone! May the new year bring you (and me) all the blessings and good favor that you need and deserve!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
What a (Thankful) Thanksgiving!
My original plans for Thanksgiving were to either spend it with my brother, nieces and nephew in PA, or just go to my aunt and uncle's house in central Jersey (where I used to live with them). I had planned it that way for about a good week or so. But early last week, my sexy coworker (read all about him in my blog entitled "Who? Me?!") asked me what I was doing, and extended an invitation for me to join him and his family for a Thanksgiving dinner at his sister's house in the Bronx, NY. I thought to myself, Hmmm...well it would give me a great opportunity to see his sexy ass again, and his family always welcomes me whenever they see me, but do I really feel like driving to the Bronx? I'll have to think about that one.
After going back and forth with myself for the next few days leading up to the holiday, I decided to nix the PA visit (didn't feel like driving the long distance). I called my aunt to see who else was coming to the house, and she mentioned her son (who I have no problem with, but really didn't feel like talking to him all day long with), and her grandchildren. Nope, not enough people, I said to myself. So I decided I was gonna go to my aunt and uncle's house, then make my way to the Bronx afterwards. On Thanksgiving Day, I text my coworker around 1PM and told him that I was on my way to the aunt and uncle's house, and that I was only gonna be there for a few hours, to which he replied, "OK." I finally arrived at the house and greeted all that were present: my aunt, uncle, cousin, and his kids (her grandkids - one 16-year-old boy and one 18-year-old girl). But then I saw two others I didn't recognize. Turns out they were two friends of the 18-year-old, so I cordially shook both of their hands. One of them was around 10, and the other was around my female cousin's age, with baggy jeans, baggy shirt, and two pigtails. Looked like a damn hoodlum to me lol. The hoodlum was a friend that went to college with my cousin, and the 10-year-old was the hoodlum's cousin. After some small talk, it was finally time to do what the hell we were there for...to eat! It was at the table that I came to realize that the "hoodlum" was a girl. She looked just like a dude to me lol. And she didn't even have a female's name. And I observed the interaction between her and my cousin, and then I saw it......my cousin had a tattoo of a guitar with the rainbow colors in the middle! Wooooooooow....my cousin is a lesbian, and this is her girlfriend! LOL I chuckled to myself at that, even though nobody mentioned it (it wasn't the time anyway). But I'm very curious to know what her parents and my aunt had to say about that, being that they're all Pentecostal ministers (you know how they, and most Christians, feel about homosexuality). After we finished eating, I went to help my uncle with some iPod issue, and my cousin and girlfriend went into the living room to watch TV, with my cousin leaning all over her girlfriend. Yup, she's definitely gay lol. This is an interesting Thanksgiving, but it was gonna get even more interesting...
I was pretty much over all of them by 5PM, so I made my grand exit. Coincidentally enough, my sexy coworker text me telling me to let him know when I was on my way, and I happily obliged. I called him when I was about 10-15 minutes away, and he tells me that he'll leave the door open because he's about to take a shower. O-M-G...let me hurry my ass up to see him! I was cursin every car in front of me and every damn traffic light lol. When I stepped inside, he had just gotten out of the shower, and he was standing upstairs with nothing on but a towel! *Fanning myself* It took everything within me not to run upstairs and rip off the towel. Talk about torture! I calmed myself down after he came downstairs fully clothed. That flirtatious bastard lol.
So we made our way to his sister's house about 20 minutes away. We stepped inside and most of his family members were already there. Most of them I didn't know though, but I greeted everyone with handshakes for the men and kisses on the cheeks for the women. I especially was greeted by his mother (who adores me), his father, and his female cousin. After some small talk with a few of his family members, it was time for me to eat for the second time. But at this dinner, they had some nice red wine, and my coworker's brother-in-law made some bangin ass jello shots filled with Bacardi and Parrot Bay. Compliments to him! LOL After the food and drinks had subsided, my coworker proceeds to look in is iPhone for movies that are playing that night (he's always looking for a movie to see).
Me: What movie are you looking to see?
Sexy Coworker: I'm looking to see that movie Milk with Sean Penn. (Milk is the story about 70s gay rights activist Harvey Milk, the first gay man ever elected to a public office. If you are not familiar with him or his story, go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_milk).
Me: Who are you going to see it with?
SC: I'll go by myself.
Me: I'll go with you. (I didn't have to work the next day, and this was a good way to chill with him one-on-one.)
SC: Aight cool. (Jokingly) You think it'll look right for us to be seeing this kind of movie together?
Me: (Jokingly) Just don't sit next to me.
Not too long after, we left his sister's house, dropped off his cousin, and made our way into Manhattan to the movie. We talked about a few things on the way there (including how I felt about gay marraiges), but nothing at all about the movie. We finally get to the theatre, and it was packed. (It was playing at a small, local theater, so it was very easy for the theater to get packed.) So guess what? We had to sit right next to each other. Oh well lol. And the movie was excellent! Sean Penn really did a good job playing Harvey Milk. There were a lot of things I connected with and related to in the movie. In fact, there was one scene where Milk is giving a speech and he shouts, "Come out to your coworkers! Come out to your friends!" Ummm....is he talking about me? LOL All throughout the movie, revealing my "secret" to my coworker was nagging at me. When we left the theater and got back into his car, we talked about how great the movie was. I asked him why he chose to see that movie, and he tells me that he's a very open-minded person and how comfortable he is with himself. At this point, I felt like I was gonna burst if I didn't tell him. And since we just got finished seeing a movie about gays and gay rights, now was the perfect time for me to tell him. So here is the big moment:
Me: So (insert name here), let me tell you something...
SC: Yo (meaning, go ahead).
Me: I'm gay.
SC: You?
Me: Yup. I know you already knew, with all those gay jokes you say to me.
SC: Nah, I was actually just playing with you. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have made the jokes at all. But I'm cool with it.
Me: Well that actually didn't bother me at all, cause I know you're a silly ass.
We talked a little while longer about the subject: why did I "choose" this lifestyle, who else at our job knows, who at our job is also gay (he mentioned 2 people, but I didn't know either one of them), who at our job he thought or still thinks is gay, if family knows, have I ever dated/messed with women. I was expecting those types of questions, so I answered everything honestly. I think he's bi-curious, because he told me that he does wonder what it would be like to be with another man, but he keeps reminding himself on how he loves to "blaze women." (I'll work on him on that lol.) I really felt a big relief because gradually it was eating away at me. And hell, it was gonna come out eventually, cause things like that always do. But I was even more relieved that he took the news in stride. It's always a double-edged sword when you drop some news like that on a person. Either they're gonna accept it, move on, and treat you exactly the same as before they found out, or just do a complete 360 and stop being bothered with you. After our discussion, I'm sure it's the former. In fact, when I was getting into my car to go home, he already invited me back to his house for Christmas.
Now only two people at my job know about me. But the question remaining is....is he still gonna bring over a chick for this threesome we're supposed to have? LMAO. I reminded him about that as well, and he said, "Oh yeah, I do have to work on that." But time will tell. Oh well, that's neither here nor there.
What a Thanksgiving huh?
After going back and forth with myself for the next few days leading up to the holiday, I decided to nix the PA visit (didn't feel like driving the long distance). I called my aunt to see who else was coming to the house, and she mentioned her son (who I have no problem with, but really didn't feel like talking to him all day long with), and her grandchildren. Nope, not enough people, I said to myself. So I decided I was gonna go to my aunt and uncle's house, then make my way to the Bronx afterwards. On Thanksgiving Day, I text my coworker around 1PM and told him that I was on my way to the aunt and uncle's house, and that I was only gonna be there for a few hours, to which he replied, "OK." I finally arrived at the house and greeted all that were present: my aunt, uncle, cousin, and his kids (her grandkids - one 16-year-old boy and one 18-year-old girl). But then I saw two others I didn't recognize. Turns out they were two friends of the 18-year-old, so I cordially shook both of their hands. One of them was around 10, and the other was around my female cousin's age, with baggy jeans, baggy shirt, and two pigtails. Looked like a damn hoodlum to me lol. The hoodlum was a friend that went to college with my cousin, and the 10-year-old was the hoodlum's cousin. After some small talk, it was finally time to do what the hell we were there for...to eat! It was at the table that I came to realize that the "hoodlum" was a girl. She looked just like a dude to me lol. And she didn't even have a female's name. And I observed the interaction between her and my cousin, and then I saw it......my cousin had a tattoo of a guitar with the rainbow colors in the middle! Wooooooooow....my cousin is a lesbian, and this is her girlfriend! LOL I chuckled to myself at that, even though nobody mentioned it (it wasn't the time anyway). But I'm very curious to know what her parents and my aunt had to say about that, being that they're all Pentecostal ministers (you know how they, and most Christians, feel about homosexuality). After we finished eating, I went to help my uncle with some iPod issue, and my cousin and girlfriend went into the living room to watch TV, with my cousin leaning all over her girlfriend. Yup, she's definitely gay lol. This is an interesting Thanksgiving, but it was gonna get even more interesting...
I was pretty much over all of them by 5PM, so I made my grand exit. Coincidentally enough, my sexy coworker text me telling me to let him know when I was on my way, and I happily obliged. I called him when I was about 10-15 minutes away, and he tells me that he'll leave the door open because he's about to take a shower. O-M-G...let me hurry my ass up to see him! I was cursin every car in front of me and every damn traffic light lol. When I stepped inside, he had just gotten out of the shower, and he was standing upstairs with nothing on but a towel! *Fanning myself* It took everything within me not to run upstairs and rip off the towel. Talk about torture! I calmed myself down after he came downstairs fully clothed. That flirtatious bastard lol.
So we made our way to his sister's house about 20 minutes away. We stepped inside and most of his family members were already there. Most of them I didn't know though, but I greeted everyone with handshakes for the men and kisses on the cheeks for the women. I especially was greeted by his mother (who adores me), his father, and his female cousin. After some small talk with a few of his family members, it was time for me to eat for the second time. But at this dinner, they had some nice red wine, and my coworker's brother-in-law made some bangin ass jello shots filled with Bacardi and Parrot Bay. Compliments to him! LOL After the food and drinks had subsided, my coworker proceeds to look in is iPhone for movies that are playing that night (he's always looking for a movie to see).
Me: What movie are you looking to see?
Sexy Coworker: I'm looking to see that movie Milk with Sean Penn. (Milk is the story about 70s gay rights activist Harvey Milk, the first gay man ever elected to a public office. If you are not familiar with him or his story, go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_milk).
Me: Who are you going to see it with?
SC: I'll go by myself.
Me: I'll go with you. (I didn't have to work the next day, and this was a good way to chill with him one-on-one.)
SC: Aight cool. (Jokingly) You think it'll look right for us to be seeing this kind of movie together?
Me: (Jokingly) Just don't sit next to me.
Not too long after, we left his sister's house, dropped off his cousin, and made our way into Manhattan to the movie. We talked about a few things on the way there (including how I felt about gay marraiges), but nothing at all about the movie. We finally get to the theatre, and it was packed. (It was playing at a small, local theater, so it was very easy for the theater to get packed.) So guess what? We had to sit right next to each other. Oh well lol. And the movie was excellent! Sean Penn really did a good job playing Harvey Milk. There were a lot of things I connected with and related to in the movie. In fact, there was one scene where Milk is giving a speech and he shouts, "Come out to your coworkers! Come out to your friends!" Ummm....is he talking about me? LOL All throughout the movie, revealing my "secret" to my coworker was nagging at me. When we left the theater and got back into his car, we talked about how great the movie was. I asked him why he chose to see that movie, and he tells me that he's a very open-minded person and how comfortable he is with himself. At this point, I felt like I was gonna burst if I didn't tell him. And since we just got finished seeing a movie about gays and gay rights, now was the perfect time for me to tell him. So here is the big moment:
Me: So (insert name here), let me tell you something...
SC: Yo (meaning, go ahead).
Me: I'm gay.
SC: You?
Me: Yup. I know you already knew, with all those gay jokes you say to me.
SC: Nah, I was actually just playing with you. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have made the jokes at all. But I'm cool with it.
Me: Well that actually didn't bother me at all, cause I know you're a silly ass.
We talked a little while longer about the subject: why did I "choose" this lifestyle, who else at our job knows, who at our job is also gay (he mentioned 2 people, but I didn't know either one of them), who at our job he thought or still thinks is gay, if family knows, have I ever dated/messed with women. I was expecting those types of questions, so I answered everything honestly. I think he's bi-curious, because he told me that he does wonder what it would be like to be with another man, but he keeps reminding himself on how he loves to "blaze women." (I'll work on him on that lol.) I really felt a big relief because gradually it was eating away at me. And hell, it was gonna come out eventually, cause things like that always do. But I was even more relieved that he took the news in stride. It's always a double-edged sword when you drop some news like that on a person. Either they're gonna accept it, move on, and treat you exactly the same as before they found out, or just do a complete 360 and stop being bothered with you. After our discussion, I'm sure it's the former. In fact, when I was getting into my car to go home, he already invited me back to his house for Christmas.
Now only two people at my job know about me. But the question remaining is....is he still gonna bring over a chick for this threesome we're supposed to have? LMAO. I reminded him about that as well, and he said, "Oh yeah, I do have to work on that." But time will tell. Oh well, that's neither here nor there.
What a Thanksgiving huh?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving
Just wanted to wish you all (and your families) a Happy Thanksgiving! May you always be grateful for everything you have in your life...family, friends, your health, a place to live, food to eat, etc. But especially in this rough economy, be thankful you have a job! (I know I am.) God bless you all!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
A Tribute to Our President-Elect
Here are some newspaper covers and reactions from people all over the world regarding President-Elect Obama. It's quite an amazing feat that one person can have so much of an impact on the world!
From France:
From the Philippines:
From Senegal:
From Indonesia:
From France:
From the Philippines:
From Senegal:
From Indonesia:
Sunday, October 19, 2008
All Hail the Queen (of Pop)
After nearly 20 years, my dream finally came to fruition this past Friday...I saw one of my favorite performers live in concert: the one and only Janet Damita Jo Jackson! I've bought every album she has made since the Control album. The reason why I like her so much is because I am also the youngest sibling in my family. So I know what it's like to try to blaze your path and step out of the shadows of older siblings to fully establish yourself. And what a path she has blazed for herself! Multi-platinum albums, numerous #1 hits, millions of albums sold worldwide, and the only artist to have 7 top 5 singles from one album (not even Michael has been able to do that). She has paved the way for just about every female artist in the 90s and 00s with her intricate choreography alone (can you really imagine artists like Ciara if there were no Janet?)
When I found out back in May that she was going to be touring again and making a stop at the Izod Center in East Rutherford, NJ, I signed up for the Janet Jackson Fan Club just so I can get the advanced tickets. Yes they were a bit pricey cause I ordered a floor ticket, but hey, this was a golden opportunity. And who knows if she'll be touring any time again in the future? After all, this was her first tour in seven years. I was gonna take advantage of and fully enjoy this opportunity.
She cancelled and postponed a few concerts before the NJ one because of vertigo, so I was a little concerned that this one would follow the same fate. So to say tha I was so excited when I got the Izod Center was an understatement. I couldn't wait to take my seat and see the woman of the hour live and in person. And my friend that I came to the concert with pointed this out as well, but Janet is one of the few artists who can transcend every race, nationality, ages, and sexuality. There were people from ALL backgrounds there, which is a true testament to her superstar status. The concert was supposed to start at 7:30 (with LL Cool J as the opening act), but it actually didn't start til around 8:20, with no LL in sight. And honestly, who needs him? Janet doesn't need an opening act! So I didn't care at all that he wasn't there.
*WARNING...IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE CONCERT AND STILL PLAN ON GOING, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!*
The lights dimmed, and a booming voice comes over the intercom system. And suddenly, two oversized letter J's move out of the way to reveal the woman we all paid money to see. The crowd went crazy. And she looks the same in person as she does on TV. She was short and petite, yet she had a commanding stage presence. She had her hair in a mohawk, and she was wearing a beige and black catsuit (as shown in the pic above). And she is so beautiful! A few seconds after the spotlight turned on, she went into her first song of the night: "The Pleasure Principle." She then segued into such songs as "Escapade" and "Feedback." I was so happy I got a floor seat, cause when she walked to the front of the stage, I was able to see a nice view of her. I was not happy that I didn't have a digital camera with me. The tickets said "no cameras or recorders," but as soon as she stepped to the front of the stage, the cameras and lights were flashing. I was so over all of them! LOL I had my little cell phone, but that shit did not even compare. Ugh....oh well. The memories will be etched in my mind. As she went through hit after hit, costume change after costume change (including a gorgeous red evening gown she wore during one part), I think I only sat down for a few minutes. (Of course, that also had to do with everybody else standing up in front of me lol.)
Janet then stops to talks, and she says that people have been asking her why she doesn't do certain songs on tour. Hmmm....I wonder what songs she's talking about, I said to myself. "This is for the true diehard fans," she says before going into three songs from her very first two albums (the self-titled one and Dream Street): "Young Love," "Say You Do," and "Don't Stand Another Chance." That was truly a welcome surprise, cause I haven't heard those songs in a looooooooooooong time.
Then came the part that Janet has been known for for a few years...bringing up a male concertgoer to do the really sexual part of the show. This year she decided to choose the song "Discipline," and the lucky dude was a white, pretty cute dude that was sitting in the front row (that bastard lol). The song has an S&M-type of feel, so it was fitting that the female dancers tied him up with leather straps and metal hooks and suspended him horizontally at one point, while Ms. Jackson lied on the floor right beneath him. The dude was then lowered right on top of her, and she showed just how nasty she can be by pressing his head right into her cleavage. Then he was lowered onto the floor, and she got on top of him and simulated the riding position, then a 69 position. Everybody went crazy! And I know that dude will NEVER forget that day!
After a few more songs and costume changes, the unfortunate time came for her to exit stage left. Dressed in all white, she graciously thanks NJ for coming to see the show, and bid us good night. This was around 11:30. We all slowly filed out of the building to get into our cars.
People can say what they want about Janet. No she's not the greatest singer (which is also why I'm glad I bought the floor ticket), and yes her album sales haven't been selling the way they used to. Hell, what artist do you know has a multi-platinum album every single time? None! But there's no denying that you get your money's worth from her concerts. She is one of the best live performers you will ever see. Why the hell it took me so long to see it with my own eyes I will never understand, but oh well. Better late than never. And I'm so glad it wasn't too late. Now I can die in peace lol.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Did McCain Back Himself Up Into a Corner?
McCain is now forced to defend his opponent after one of his own supporters referred to Obama as "an Arab." Boos follow thereafter when McCain further defends Obama. I'm sure this is not where he envisioned himself to be at this point in the election. See the clip below.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The Online Meet/Hookup Genesis
I was a senior in college back in November 2000 and, after much wrangling with myself for years, I made a very big decision in my life: I decided that I was going to enter the homosexual lifestyle full force. I knew I didn't want a relationship, just some dudes to give me a good time, be it friends or otherwise (*wink*). But then another issue arose: how would I go about meeting dudes? I didn't hang around with any gay people, nor did I know of any family members who were, so meeting dudes from family and friends was out of the question. Neither was me approaching a dude off the street (I was much too introverted for that) or in a bar or club (I wasn't going to any back then). My options were getting slim to none. Then one day, one of my coworkers told me about a Web site that he frequented often, mostly while at work. It was a site that had a lots of females of all ages, races, and backgrounds from all parts of the country, and how you can go to their pages to see what they're all about, who they are, what they're looking for, etc. But most of all (and this the part that really piqued my interest), if they really like you, you can meet them face-to-face, and take it from there. The site was called Blackplanet.com. Hmmm, it sounds interesting. I wonder if I can do the same with dudes, I wondered to myself. So a few weeks later, I created a page of my own and started to slowly peruse the site. I couldn't really say I was blown away by everything, but there were some things that I was impressed with. And it didn't take me long to figure out other alternatives on the site: there were gay and bisexual dudes on there too. That was my jackpot moment lol. And for me, it killed multiple birds with one stone: I didn't have to worry about 1) approaching dudes off the street or clubs and 2) having other people find out all my business due to the informality. Hell, I basically controlled who I met and when and where (when that time came of course). Where has this site been all my life?
The next step in the process was...who was going to be the first dude I met off the site? I started doing a search of all the dudes in Newark. I lived there and was going to school there, so convenience was necessary. I read the pages of a few dudes. The ones I really liked I sent them a message (I don't think it could've been anymore than "Wassup" or something like that). A few days later, one dude replied, saying to leave him some contact information so we can talk faster. I left him my phone number, and he called me the next day when I was in my dorm room. He was asking me where I was and if I wanted to meet him. I agreed to go to his house about 15 minutes away to meet up with him. On my way there, I was quite nervous and anxious, cause this was so new to me. I just hoped that everything turned out alright, and he wasn't ugly or a damn weirdo lol. I stepped up to his door and rang the doorbell, and a few seconds later he opens the door and lets me in. To my relief, he wasn't ugly. He wasn't drop-dead gorgeous, but he also wasn't a monster either. Whew! One issue down! He was about 6', 180 lbs, dark brown skinned, moustache and goatee. I was content. We sat down on his bed and small-talked for about 30 minutes. Then he asks me the question that most homosexuals have heard over and over again: Are you a top or a bottom? What the fuck is he talking about? What should I say to him? "I'm both," I lied. "Oh, so your're versatile," he replied. I nodded my head. "Well I'm a top," he said. "Oh," I said back, figuring out in my own head that I guess he meant he likes to do the fucking. "I wanna do something with you...now!" he blurts out. "OK," I replied nonchalantly. He moves closer to me, unbuttons my jeans and proceeds to give me head. Watching his head go up and down and the feel of the the suction on my penis, I laid back in enjoyment and determined that I could get used to this homo thing, and it was turning out just the way I liked. I then returned the favor and gave him some head, while he laid back and moaned. He then reached inside the back of my boxers and played with my tight hole with his finger. Can't say that it was a good feeling, but I tolerated it because I assumed it was part of the whole process, and him being a top and all. Next, he lays on my back, lifts my legs up and plays with my hole with his wet, warm tongue. Oh hell yeah I can get used to this! Then kissing and grinding soon followed. But the ecstasy left soon after and the pain began...he sticks his penis into my tight hole and keeps on pressing. I almost felt tears come to my eyes, for it was the most unbearable pain I had ever felt in my life. How the fuck am I gonna get used to this shit??? How do other dudes do this? After many attempts, he only managed to get a little bit past the head of his penis inside me, but it mind as well have been the whole 8.5 inches if you ask me lol. I was just glad he stopped trying after a while. And besides, he said he had to go. We put on our clothes, and I agreed to drive him to whereever he had to go. He shakes my hand, tells me to call him sometime, and gets out my car. So began my genesis of the online meet/greet/hookup.
Cut to a few weeks ago (and many, many online hookups/meetings later lol). I was bored at home after a long day of work and decided to create a page on Facebook.com. My coworkers (both the sexy one and cute one, natch lol) told me a little about it. My curiosity got the best of me, so I wanted to see if it was really worth writing home about. To me, it was just like any other site: age, location, sex, interests, blah blah blah. Then I saw it....Interested in Men or Women? Here we go again. What should I select? I decided to leave that part blank. Why? Because I honestly don't know what the hell I wanna use the site for. Networking? Hookup? Friendship? I would be happy if I never met another dude online again. It was my high for about 8 years, and now, just like weed or any other damn drug, the high was coming down. No longer was I nervous or even excited about online hookups. I've met enough good and bad dudes to last me pretty much the rest of my life. It just got repetitious. And the way I see it, in this lifestyle, fuck six degrees of separation. There's only ONE degree of separation! It's only a matter of time you meet someone that knows/hooked up with someone you know or met. Don't get me wrong, I occasionally slip back into that online hookup (hey, it's a guilty pleasure sometimes lol), but I'm basically done with all the hype of it.
So now I turn the spotlight on you. What was the underlying reason why you decided to create an online page? What was your first experience like? How do you feel about online hookup sites now? Tell me your genesis story.
The next step in the process was...who was going to be the first dude I met off the site? I started doing a search of all the dudes in Newark. I lived there and was going to school there, so convenience was necessary. I read the pages of a few dudes. The ones I really liked I sent them a message (I don't think it could've been anymore than "Wassup" or something like that). A few days later, one dude replied, saying to leave him some contact information so we can talk faster. I left him my phone number, and he called me the next day when I was in my dorm room. He was asking me where I was and if I wanted to meet him. I agreed to go to his house about 15 minutes away to meet up with him. On my way there, I was quite nervous and anxious, cause this was so new to me. I just hoped that everything turned out alright, and he wasn't ugly or a damn weirdo lol. I stepped up to his door and rang the doorbell, and a few seconds later he opens the door and lets me in. To my relief, he wasn't ugly. He wasn't drop-dead gorgeous, but he also wasn't a monster either. Whew! One issue down! He was about 6', 180 lbs, dark brown skinned, moustache and goatee. I was content. We sat down on his bed and small-talked for about 30 minutes. Then he asks me the question that most homosexuals have heard over and over again: Are you a top or a bottom? What the fuck is he talking about? What should I say to him? "I'm both," I lied. "Oh, so your're versatile," he replied. I nodded my head. "Well I'm a top," he said. "Oh," I said back, figuring out in my own head that I guess he meant he likes to do the fucking. "I wanna do something with you...now!" he blurts out. "OK," I replied nonchalantly. He moves closer to me, unbuttons my jeans and proceeds to give me head. Watching his head go up and down and the feel of the the suction on my penis, I laid back in enjoyment and determined that I could get used to this homo thing, and it was turning out just the way I liked. I then returned the favor and gave him some head, while he laid back and moaned. He then reached inside the back of my boxers and played with my tight hole with his finger. Can't say that it was a good feeling, but I tolerated it because I assumed it was part of the whole process, and him being a top and all. Next, he lays on my back, lifts my legs up and plays with my hole with his wet, warm tongue. Oh hell yeah I can get used to this! Then kissing and grinding soon followed. But the ecstasy left soon after and the pain began...he sticks his penis into my tight hole and keeps on pressing. I almost felt tears come to my eyes, for it was the most unbearable pain I had ever felt in my life. How the fuck am I gonna get used to this shit??? How do other dudes do this? After many attempts, he only managed to get a little bit past the head of his penis inside me, but it mind as well have been the whole 8.5 inches if you ask me lol. I was just glad he stopped trying after a while. And besides, he said he had to go. We put on our clothes, and I agreed to drive him to whereever he had to go. He shakes my hand, tells me to call him sometime, and gets out my car. So began my genesis of the online meet/greet/hookup.
Cut to a few weeks ago (and many, many online hookups/meetings later lol). I was bored at home after a long day of work and decided to create a page on Facebook.com. My coworkers (both the sexy one and cute one, natch lol) told me a little about it. My curiosity got the best of me, so I wanted to see if it was really worth writing home about. To me, it was just like any other site: age, location, sex, interests, blah blah blah. Then I saw it....Interested in Men or Women? Here we go again. What should I select? I decided to leave that part blank. Why? Because I honestly don't know what the hell I wanna use the site for. Networking? Hookup? Friendship? I would be happy if I never met another dude online again. It was my high for about 8 years, and now, just like weed or any other damn drug, the high was coming down. No longer was I nervous or even excited about online hookups. I've met enough good and bad dudes to last me pretty much the rest of my life. It just got repetitious. And the way I see it, in this lifestyle, fuck six degrees of separation. There's only ONE degree of separation! It's only a matter of time you meet someone that knows/hooked up with someone you know or met. Don't get me wrong, I occasionally slip back into that online hookup (hey, it's a guilty pleasure sometimes lol), but I'm basically done with all the hype of it.
So now I turn the spotlight on you. What was the underlying reason why you decided to create an online page? What was your first experience like? How do you feel about online hookup sites now? Tell me your genesis story.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
My Labor Day Weekend
I haven't posted in a little while, so I'll fill in the gap by talking about my past weekend.......
- After work on Friday, all I kept thinking about was going to the liquor store lol. So as soon as I walked back to my car after getting off the train, that's exactly what I did. I owed it to myself; I haven't had a drink on a Friday night in about a month or so. So I sat in my apartment and enjoyed the company of Mr. Bacardi. He entertained me very well lol.
- Saturday morning I was supposed to help volunteer for a kid's picnic, but it was postponed because of all the talk about rain (which explains why I was drinking on Friday night). I absolutely HATE waking up early on Saturdays, so I was so glad that I had yet another Saturday where I can just sleep in.
Later on that evening, I made my way over to BBQs in Manhattan to attend a birthday dinner for a friend. I was told by the b-day boy that everyone should be there by 8:45. He should've known better than to think that black people were gonna be on time somewhere! There were people showing up at 9:30, 10:00. And to make matters worse.....he invited over 20 people! WTF?! There was only one person I knew previously; everybody else was a bunch of new faces. I only talked to a handful of them though. One of them was a dude from VA. He seemed very cool and down to earth, so I had no problem talking to him. We finally got seated around 10:30. I was so over that function by then, but I couldn't just walk out on the birthday boy. And besides, I was enjoying the conversation of VA dude and a few others, so that kinda eased my mind about waiting so fuckin long to get seated.
I finished my food around midnight, and by that time I was VERY ready to go. I also promised my sexy coworker that I would come to his house for a cookout/gathering in the Bronx (more on him later). But VA dude asked me if I would drive him to Harlem to drop him off at his frat brother's house, where he was staying for the weekend. He also informed me that he was having some kinda party there, and I can just have a drink and go. Sounds good to me....get a free drink and bounce. No brainer lol. And his house was pretty much in the same direction as the way I was going to my coworker's house, so I didn't mind. When I stepped in his frat brother's house, all I felt was heat! It was sooooooooo mutha fuckin hot in his house! There were a good amount of people there, but it wasn't packed. Man I couldn't wait to get the hell outta there. So after about a half hour or so, I said goodbye to VA dude, his frat brother and some other people that I briefly met and headed out the door.
I got to my sexy coworker's house well after 1AM, but he was still there talking to his brother and cousin (both of whom I've gotten to know). He sees me and hugs me the manly way (one-armed hug), then he shocks me (in a good way) and throws both of his arms and presses his well-toned body against mine. If only he knew how much my gay ass wanted him, he would not be doing that, I thought to myself. But maaaaaaaaaan, I was so glad he did! LOL I didn't want him to let me go. I think I've established a pretty good bond with him (hell, I would call it a friendship at this point). He invites me to every cookout/gathering that his family has now. His moms and family members all like me and ask about me, wondering if I'm gonna be at the next event. Shit, I guess I'm officially adopted by them now lol. Oh yeah, and I spent the night at his house cause I was a little tipsy from the beers and pretty tired (it was about 4 or 5:00 by this time). And here's the kicker....he laid out a blanket for me to lay on on the floor and laid right next to me. I have never had anybody do that to me before. Was I gonna say anything? You must be out ya damn mind lol. I was gonna enjoy every second of having him next to me like that. Now if only he can lay on top of me....ahhhhh wishful thinking lol. I ended up leaving his house around 9 Sunday morning.
- Sunday was church, and later that day I was convinced by another friend to go to some local bar/lounge not too far away. I met up with 5 other people. It was free to get in (thank God), and I told myself I would only get one drink (a beer or somethin). But I was waiting so long at the bar for one of the two bartenders that the people I met up with were over the place and decided to leave. Not that I minded; I wasn't really feelin the place anyway, so I was glad to be leaving.
Three of us decided to head to lower Manhattan to see what was goin on. We ended up goin to one bar (one more drink) and one club (yet another drink). Both places I didn't really like too much (could've been both the music and the people), but I'm not really one to complain. And besides, I wasn't the driver so if the driver wanted to say, too damn bad for me.
We left that and went to a house party in Harlem (NYC really saw my face all weekend lol). Don't ask me why they were charging people $10 to get in like it's a bona fide club or somethin, and I begrudgingly paid the fee. There I met up with another one of my friends. (And no I didn't buy any more drinks lol.) The music was right (mostly house music and reggae), so I was gonna dance off that $10 I had to pay. I also talked most of the night to a dude that was originally from Philly, but moved to the Bronx. He was very sociable and pretty easy on the eyes. Body was decent too. He had a boyfriend, but that didn't stop him from asking for my number so that we can hang out sometime. I had a pretty nice time, and we practically stayed til it was over (about 4:30). I got home around 6 (while texting the Philly dude most the way home).
- Monday I went to visit my brother over in PA and see my nieces and nephew. It seemed like it took forever to get to his house, but it was about a good hour and a half. I killed two birds with one stone with the visit: I wanted to see them cause I kinda felt guilty about going so long without me seeing them (it's been almost a year), and I had to fix some kinda computer problem they were having. So I was proud of myself for accomplishing both.
And did I forget to mention that my sexy coworker wanted me to come to yet another bbq/gathering at his house, and to bring my work clothes? LOL He really, really likes me. And he told his moms that I was gonna be there. But I knew that I was not gonna be really up to going to his house after I got home. And I did not want to go straight to work from somebody else's house. Shit, my commute would've increased from 20 minutes to well over an hour. That shit was not happenin! LOL But just to save face, I called him when I was on my way home around 7:45 and told him that I had at least an hour ride home before I even began to make my way there. I was so glad when he told me that everybody was packin it in for the night anyway, and to forget comin thru. But a part of me did kinda wanna see him. Damn! I must be infatuated lol. (Today at work, he tells me how much I was missed the day before.)
So that was my fun-filled weekend. Hope you all enjoyed yours.
- After work on Friday, all I kept thinking about was going to the liquor store lol. So as soon as I walked back to my car after getting off the train, that's exactly what I did. I owed it to myself; I haven't had a drink on a Friday night in about a month or so. So I sat in my apartment and enjoyed the company of Mr. Bacardi. He entertained me very well lol.
- Saturday morning I was supposed to help volunteer for a kid's picnic, but it was postponed because of all the talk about rain (which explains why I was drinking on Friday night). I absolutely HATE waking up early on Saturdays, so I was so glad that I had yet another Saturday where I can just sleep in.
Later on that evening, I made my way over to BBQs in Manhattan to attend a birthday dinner for a friend. I was told by the b-day boy that everyone should be there by 8:45. He should've known better than to think that black people were gonna be on time somewhere! There were people showing up at 9:30, 10:00. And to make matters worse.....he invited over 20 people! WTF?! There was only one person I knew previously; everybody else was a bunch of new faces. I only talked to a handful of them though. One of them was a dude from VA. He seemed very cool and down to earth, so I had no problem talking to him. We finally got seated around 10:30. I was so over that function by then, but I couldn't just walk out on the birthday boy. And besides, I was enjoying the conversation of VA dude and a few others, so that kinda eased my mind about waiting so fuckin long to get seated.
I finished my food around midnight, and by that time I was VERY ready to go. I also promised my sexy coworker that I would come to his house for a cookout/gathering in the Bronx (more on him later). But VA dude asked me if I would drive him to Harlem to drop him off at his frat brother's house, where he was staying for the weekend. He also informed me that he was having some kinda party there, and I can just have a drink and go. Sounds good to me....get a free drink and bounce. No brainer lol. And his house was pretty much in the same direction as the way I was going to my coworker's house, so I didn't mind. When I stepped in his frat brother's house, all I felt was heat! It was sooooooooo mutha fuckin hot in his house! There were a good amount of people there, but it wasn't packed. Man I couldn't wait to get the hell outta there. So after about a half hour or so, I said goodbye to VA dude, his frat brother and some other people that I briefly met and headed out the door.
I got to my sexy coworker's house well after 1AM, but he was still there talking to his brother and cousin (both of whom I've gotten to know). He sees me and hugs me the manly way (one-armed hug), then he shocks me (in a good way) and throws both of his arms and presses his well-toned body against mine. If only he knew how much my gay ass wanted him, he would not be doing that, I thought to myself. But maaaaaaaaaan, I was so glad he did! LOL I didn't want him to let me go. I think I've established a pretty good bond with him (hell, I would call it a friendship at this point). He invites me to every cookout/gathering that his family has now. His moms and family members all like me and ask about me, wondering if I'm gonna be at the next event. Shit, I guess I'm officially adopted by them now lol. Oh yeah, and I spent the night at his house cause I was a little tipsy from the beers and pretty tired (it was about 4 or 5:00 by this time). And here's the kicker....he laid out a blanket for me to lay on on the floor and laid right next to me. I have never had anybody do that to me before. Was I gonna say anything? You must be out ya damn mind lol. I was gonna enjoy every second of having him next to me like that. Now if only he can lay on top of me....ahhhhh wishful thinking lol. I ended up leaving his house around 9 Sunday morning.
- Sunday was church, and later that day I was convinced by another friend to go to some local bar/lounge not too far away. I met up with 5 other people. It was free to get in (thank God), and I told myself I would only get one drink (a beer or somethin). But I was waiting so long at the bar for one of the two bartenders that the people I met up with were over the place and decided to leave. Not that I minded; I wasn't really feelin the place anyway, so I was glad to be leaving.
Three of us decided to head to lower Manhattan to see what was goin on. We ended up goin to one bar (one more drink) and one club (yet another drink). Both places I didn't really like too much (could've been both the music and the people), but I'm not really one to complain. And besides, I wasn't the driver so if the driver wanted to say, too damn bad for me.
We left that and went to a house party in Harlem (NYC really saw my face all weekend lol). Don't ask me why they were charging people $10 to get in like it's a bona fide club or somethin, and I begrudgingly paid the fee. There I met up with another one of my friends. (And no I didn't buy any more drinks lol.) The music was right (mostly house music and reggae), so I was gonna dance off that $10 I had to pay. I also talked most of the night to a dude that was originally from Philly, but moved to the Bronx. He was very sociable and pretty easy on the eyes. Body was decent too. He had a boyfriend, but that didn't stop him from asking for my number so that we can hang out sometime. I had a pretty nice time, and we practically stayed til it was over (about 4:30). I got home around 6 (while texting the Philly dude most the way home).
- Monday I went to visit my brother over in PA and see my nieces and nephew. It seemed like it took forever to get to his house, but it was about a good hour and a half. I killed two birds with one stone with the visit: I wanted to see them cause I kinda felt guilty about going so long without me seeing them (it's been almost a year), and I had to fix some kinda computer problem they were having. So I was proud of myself for accomplishing both.
And did I forget to mention that my sexy coworker wanted me to come to yet another bbq/gathering at his house, and to bring my work clothes? LOL He really, really likes me. And he told his moms that I was gonna be there. But I knew that I was not gonna be really up to going to his house after I got home. And I did not want to go straight to work from somebody else's house. Shit, my commute would've increased from 20 minutes to well over an hour. That shit was not happenin! LOL But just to save face, I called him when I was on my way home around 7:45 and told him that I had at least an hour ride home before I even began to make my way there. I was so glad when he told me that everybody was packin it in for the night anyway, and to forget comin thru. But a part of me did kinda wanna see him. Damn! I must be infatuated lol. (Today at work, he tells me how much I was missed the day before.)
So that was my fun-filled weekend. Hope you all enjoyed yours.
Monday, August 18, 2008
One Door Closes, Another One (Re)Opens
It has been nearly a month since I have stopped speaking to one of my good friends. Although I sometimes miss talking to him, I do not regret my decision. I actually have been doing just fine since then, cause life does indeed go on. I've been living and enjoying my life without missing a beat. And why wouldn't I be? Life is too short, and it seems as though people are leaving this earth younger and younger. As Martin Lawrence said in Runteldat, ride this life until the wheels fall off!
While I was continuing on with life, an old friend re-appeared. I've known him for a total of about 6 years now. I met him on Blackplanet (remember that? Before Adam4Adam, Blkgaychat, and Men4Now came along? LOL), and he lives in south Jersey (Camden county). Over time, we became very good friends, and I would visit him at least once a month. Yes we messed around a few times (lol), but it was more than that. We clicked right away and shared some of the same interests. I got the chance to meet some of his family, friends, and the dudes that he dated. When you meet people off these damn web sites, you pretty much take a crap shoot on if they're gonna be a true friend, a fuck buddy, a psycho, or just a bonified asshole, and I was so blessed that this person demonstrated himself as a true friend.
But a few years ago (2004 I believe), he reached a revelation....he decided that he was going to give up the gay lifestyle, marry a woman, and live a heterosexual life. He had always claimed he was bisexual, but he started to incorporate religion into his life, and he felt that God was moving him in another direction, which means he was cutting off all of his friends and people who knew him in that lifestyle. As disappointed as I was about that decision, who am I to judge or argue with how God chooses to deal with someone? So I wished him the very best in his life.
Fast forward to last week. He hits me up out of the blue on AIM. He tells me that things didn't quite work out with his wife and that they are separated and living apart. (They were married for about two years.) But above that, he missed talking/hanging out with his good friends. I have long given up on holding grudges against people, so I gladly welcomed him back. Now we talk again a few times a week, and we pretty much slipped right back into our roles just like old times...talking, joking, laughing, etc. In the very near future, I'll be going down to south Jersey to see if his looks changed at all and just to get reacquainted with his presence once more. It honestly doesn't feel like it's been four years since we stopped speaking. It feels so good to reconnect with an old friend. It is with great pleasure that I say to him...Welcome back!
While I was continuing on with life, an old friend re-appeared. I've known him for a total of about 6 years now. I met him on Blackplanet (remember that? Before Adam4Adam, Blkgaychat, and Men4Now came along? LOL), and he lives in south Jersey (Camden county). Over time, we became very good friends, and I would visit him at least once a month. Yes we messed around a few times (lol), but it was more than that. We clicked right away and shared some of the same interests. I got the chance to meet some of his family, friends, and the dudes that he dated. When you meet people off these damn web sites, you pretty much take a crap shoot on if they're gonna be a true friend, a fuck buddy, a psycho, or just a bonified asshole, and I was so blessed that this person demonstrated himself as a true friend.
But a few years ago (2004 I believe), he reached a revelation....he decided that he was going to give up the gay lifestyle, marry a woman, and live a heterosexual life. He had always claimed he was bisexual, but he started to incorporate religion into his life, and he felt that God was moving him in another direction, which means he was cutting off all of his friends and people who knew him in that lifestyle. As disappointed as I was about that decision, who am I to judge or argue with how God chooses to deal with someone? So I wished him the very best in his life.
Fast forward to last week. He hits me up out of the blue on AIM. He tells me that things didn't quite work out with his wife and that they are separated and living apart. (They were married for about two years.) But above that, he missed talking/hanging out with his good friends. I have long given up on holding grudges against people, so I gladly welcomed him back. Now we talk again a few times a week, and we pretty much slipped right back into our roles just like old times...talking, joking, laughing, etc. In the very near future, I'll be going down to south Jersey to see if his looks changed at all and just to get reacquainted with his presence once more. It honestly doesn't feel like it's been four years since we stopped speaking. It feels so good to reconnect with an old friend. It is with great pleasure that I say to him...Welcome back!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Cutting Ties
The previous posting proved prophetic, because today, after many disagreements, I was left with no other choice but to cut off a person who I considered a good friend for about four years. I will not discuss the exact thing that lead to my decision, but he knows what he said and did. It sucks to realize that the person you think is gonna be a friend for a lifetime turns out to be one only for a season. But hey, it's another lesson learned. I'm better off without him anyway!
In my four years of knowing this person, I was there for him through his highs and lows: the arguments with his mother, the friends and ex-boyfriends who have come and gone, the life-altering news he received back in August, 2005, and many other things. Even though some of the things he went through I couldn't entirely relate to, I was a shoulder to lean on in times when it was necessary. And sometimes, just being there is enough. Along the way, there were a few instances where what he said got under my skin. He can be very kind-hearted when he wants to be, but he also can be cold and vicious when he feels like he is being attacked. I'm a pretty laid-back, subtle person. So it must be a pretty big issue to get me upset. Many times before, I thought about ending our friendship. But I kept being reminded (and reminding myself) that true friends last a lifetime, and you have to accept people for who they are.
But how much are you supposed to accept about a true friend when you are starting to portray anger on the inside, an emotion that is completely out of your character? What kind of friend do you really have where the person no longer values the friendship you have and quickly dismisses your thoughts, feelings, and opinions? What does it say about a person's true character where he speaks his mind to people with no problems, but yet gets very defensive and does not want to hear what you have to say about him when he does something wrong (or worse, feel that what you have to say is always wrong)? I pondered all of these questions to myself before I told said friend that I no longer wanted to be bothered with him anymore. It honestly was just too much work for me to be his friend. Friends are supposed to lift you up and bring out the very best in you, and everything I said to him lately turned into him beating me down. Shit, who needs that??? And frankly, anyone he interacts with is going to have to deal with that. He's intelligent and witty, but God help you if you ever disagree with him!
And after I reached that decision, I felt like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. I felt my anger going away. I was and am content with it. I refuse to be bitter about this, because it's a wasted form of energy. Hell, I know the person is gonna be sleeping at night regardless. And I also know that all things work together for the good. It's making me into a better man. I wish the person inner peace and happiness. But I will no longer sacrifice my happiness just to call somebody a friend. I must move on now and keep growing as a person.
In my four years of knowing this person, I was there for him through his highs and lows: the arguments with his mother, the friends and ex-boyfriends who have come and gone, the life-altering news he received back in August, 2005, and many other things. Even though some of the things he went through I couldn't entirely relate to, I was a shoulder to lean on in times when it was necessary. And sometimes, just being there is enough. Along the way, there were a few instances where what he said got under my skin. He can be very kind-hearted when he wants to be, but he also can be cold and vicious when he feels like he is being attacked. I'm a pretty laid-back, subtle person. So it must be a pretty big issue to get me upset. Many times before, I thought about ending our friendship. But I kept being reminded (and reminding myself) that true friends last a lifetime, and you have to accept people for who they are.
But how much are you supposed to accept about a true friend when you are starting to portray anger on the inside, an emotion that is completely out of your character? What kind of friend do you really have where the person no longer values the friendship you have and quickly dismisses your thoughts, feelings, and opinions? What does it say about a person's true character where he speaks his mind to people with no problems, but yet gets very defensive and does not want to hear what you have to say about him when he does something wrong (or worse, feel that what you have to say is always wrong)? I pondered all of these questions to myself before I told said friend that I no longer wanted to be bothered with him anymore. It honestly was just too much work for me to be his friend. Friends are supposed to lift you up and bring out the very best in you, and everything I said to him lately turned into him beating me down. Shit, who needs that??? And frankly, anyone he interacts with is going to have to deal with that. He's intelligent and witty, but God help you if you ever disagree with him!
And after I reached that decision, I felt like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. I felt my anger going away. I was and am content with it. I refuse to be bitter about this, because it's a wasted form of energy. Hell, I know the person is gonna be sleeping at night regardless. And I also know that all things work together for the good. It's making me into a better man. I wish the person inner peace and happiness. But I will no longer sacrifice my happiness just to call somebody a friend. I must move on now and keep growing as a person.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Reevaluating Friendships
I sent this out through e-mail to my friends and coworkers. Everybody I sent it to loved it, so I thought I'd share this with all of you. Hope it resonates with you just as much as it resonated with me and all the others I sent it to...
There comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path. Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who drain our energy. We can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we're trying to do and who positively support our efforts to walk our path.
We can begin this evaluation process by simply noticing how we feel in the context of each one of our close relationships. We may begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that we ourselves need to let go of in order to move forward. Or we may find that we have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting us down, or not showing up for us when we need support. There are many ways to go about changing the status quo in situations like this, having a heart to heart with our friend showing through example. This process isn't so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships so that they support us on our journey rather than holding us back.
An important part of this process is looking at ourselves and noticing what kind of friend we are to the people in our lives. We might find that as we adjust our own approach to a relationship, challenging ourselves to be more supportive and positive, our friends make adjustments as well and the whole world benefits.
There comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path. Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who drain our energy. We can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we're trying to do and who positively support our efforts to walk our path.
We can begin this evaluation process by simply noticing how we feel in the context of each one of our close relationships. We may begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that we ourselves need to let go of in order to move forward. Or we may find that we have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting us down, or not showing up for us when we need support. There are many ways to go about changing the status quo in situations like this, having a heart to heart with our friend showing through example. This process isn't so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships so that they support us on our journey rather than holding us back.
An important part of this process is looking at ourselves and noticing what kind of friend we are to the people in our lives. We might find that as we adjust our own approach to a relationship, challenging ourselves to be more supportive and positive, our friends make adjustments as well and the whole world benefits.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Who? Me?!
I've already told yall about my cute coworker. But I've never mentioned anything about my SEXY coworker...
He's a 31-year-old dude who was born in Honduras (don't know when he came to the U.S.), about 5'9" or 5'10," slim, dark brown skinned, with a body to kill for! I've seen it with my own eyes....nice chest, abs, arms, back. He hits the gym at least 4 times a week, doing all types of pushups and pullups, lifts and dips in the most ingenious ways (I've seen the Youtube clips.) And, he's pretty good lookin in the face. Whew! I think I need a break to fan myself off! LOL Anyway, every day he comes down to where I'm sitting to mess with me, tell me what chick he's messed with/fucked (he's shown me pics), and just shoot the breeze. Even though he has his hoeing tendencies, he is amazingly focused. In 10 years, the man has earned about 5 or 6 certifications, worked his way up from a help desk tech to an Assistant VP (making at least 80K I'm sure), all while married with two kids (he's separated now). And now he's starting his own clothing line because he does not see himself working in Corporate America much longer. I admire his drive and determination to go out there and work hard to get what he wants to make himself happy. I'm still working on getting even half the drive within myself.
Now that I've given you the background on this dude, let's get into what transpired today...
Around 11am today, he strolls over to my desk. "Well if it isn't my man Greg," he says smiling as he reaches out his hand for me to shake. I'm always happy to see his sexy ass!
"Wassup," I replied shakin his hand back.
Some small talk was exchanged, then the question arose...
Sexy Coworker: "If I asked you to help me hit somethin, would you do it?"
*I rewinded in my mind for a few seconds what he just said. Oh shit! Is he for real?! Is he really askin me to join in on a fuckin threesome with him??? Up popped the angel and devil. The angel side said, no. You're a conservative dude; it's really not your thing. Stay away. And hellooooooo....you like dick! LOL
The devil side said, fuck it. You only live once. Live now! Who knows, you might like it so much you'll want it again. And oh yeah, it's a perfect opportunity to see your coworker's dick, the one that slides into those Magnums. It's a win/win situation.* What's a man to do?
Me: "I would first have to see what she looks like first," I said half-heartedly.
SC: "Let's say it was (name of another female coworker that he's already been fuckin)." Would you do it?
Me: *Shrugging my shoulders* "Aight, why not?" I replied nonchalantly.
SC: "Aight bet, and don't back out on me," he replied and walked away.
When he left, I just laughed to myself. Then my self-consciousness started to speak to me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the opportunities of physical expression in the bedroom like anyone else. But who am I kidding? What the hell does my gay ass know about a chick? I've never been with one sexually. What if I don't even get hard when the time comes? Only one coworker knows that I get down, and I only told him cause I've built up a rapport good enough to a point where I know I can trust him with what I tell him, and it won't circulate around the workplace. But this dude? I don't know. He's cool, but I don't know how he'll take it if he knows about me. The funny thing is, he's made jokes about me being gay. He will SERIOUSLY gag if I ever told him the real deal. And besides, who I sleep with is not for everybody at my job to know about, so I seriously doubt if I will ever tell him.
He didn't tell me when this supposed threesome will happen. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But I'm still left laughing and saying to myself, who? Me?!
He's a 31-year-old dude who was born in Honduras (don't know when he came to the U.S.), about 5'9" or 5'10," slim, dark brown skinned, with a body to kill for! I've seen it with my own eyes....nice chest, abs, arms, back. He hits the gym at least 4 times a week, doing all types of pushups and pullups, lifts and dips in the most ingenious ways (I've seen the Youtube clips.) And, he's pretty good lookin in the face. Whew! I think I need a break to fan myself off! LOL Anyway, every day he comes down to where I'm sitting to mess with me, tell me what chick he's messed with/fucked (he's shown me pics), and just shoot the breeze. Even though he has his hoeing tendencies, he is amazingly focused. In 10 years, the man has earned about 5 or 6 certifications, worked his way up from a help desk tech to an Assistant VP (making at least 80K I'm sure), all while married with two kids (he's separated now). And now he's starting his own clothing line because he does not see himself working in Corporate America much longer. I admire his drive and determination to go out there and work hard to get what he wants to make himself happy. I'm still working on getting even half the drive within myself.
Now that I've given you the background on this dude, let's get into what transpired today...
Around 11am today, he strolls over to my desk. "Well if it isn't my man Greg," he says smiling as he reaches out his hand for me to shake. I'm always happy to see his sexy ass!
"Wassup," I replied shakin his hand back.
Some small talk was exchanged, then the question arose...
Sexy Coworker: "If I asked you to help me hit somethin, would you do it?"
*I rewinded in my mind for a few seconds what he just said. Oh shit! Is he for real?! Is he really askin me to join in on a fuckin threesome with him??? Up popped the angel and devil. The angel side said, no. You're a conservative dude; it's really not your thing. Stay away. And hellooooooo....you like dick! LOL
The devil side said, fuck it. You only live once. Live now! Who knows, you might like it so much you'll want it again. And oh yeah, it's a perfect opportunity to see your coworker's dick, the one that slides into those Magnums. It's a win/win situation.* What's a man to do?
Me: "I would first have to see what she looks like first," I said half-heartedly.
SC: "Let's say it was (name of another female coworker that he's already been fuckin)." Would you do it?
Me: *Shrugging my shoulders* "Aight, why not?" I replied nonchalantly.
SC: "Aight bet, and don't back out on me," he replied and walked away.
When he left, I just laughed to myself. Then my self-consciousness started to speak to me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the opportunities of physical expression in the bedroom like anyone else. But who am I kidding? What the hell does my gay ass know about a chick? I've never been with one sexually. What if I don't even get hard when the time comes? Only one coworker knows that I get down, and I only told him cause I've built up a rapport good enough to a point where I know I can trust him with what I tell him, and it won't circulate around the workplace. But this dude? I don't know. He's cool, but I don't know how he'll take it if he knows about me. The funny thing is, he's made jokes about me being gay. He will SERIOUSLY gag if I ever told him the real deal. And besides, who I sleep with is not for everybody at my job to know about, so I seriously doubt if I will ever tell him.
He didn't tell me when this supposed threesome will happen. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But I'm still left laughing and saying to myself, who? Me?!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Sex...The Highest Low?
As how it is most times during the week, my coworker (the one I blogged about) comes over to my desk after his shift is over to chat and shoot the breeze with me. I always enjoy talking with him, and even after I told him that I got down, he never looked down on me in any kind of judgmental way; he's always treated me the same. I think the main reason why I'm so cool with my coworker is that he reminds me so much of myself when I was his age (24)...he's young but he certainly doesn't carry himself like the average 24 year old. He's sophisticated, kinda laid-back, not very promiscuous (I can count on one hand how many sex stories he's told me), and mostly about his business (when he's not payin somebody dust lol). I can honestly say we have a friendship. We normally just laugh talk about coworkers, who was givin shade for the day, how he had to pay his manager dust, etc. (For a dude that claims to be straight, he sure kee kee-s like a good ole homo, but that's neither here nor there lol.) Anyway, he proceeds to tell me about his trip to Miami and the Dominican Republic, for which he enjoyed himself. Then he just said something that really took me off guard. It seemed to have come out of nowhere, although I know it was something he decided a while ago.
"I'm taking six months off," he blurted out.
"Six months off what?" I asked.
He then makes the symbol of sexual intercourse on his hands...one hand balled up into an O shape, with the index finger of the other hand going in and out of the O.
"Ohhhhhhhhh!" I responded incredulously, "Are you serious?"
"Yup," he answered, "I feel so much stronger when I don't do it."
"That's funny. I don't feel stronger until I get it in," I joked. "Well you know the weather's gettin nice. I wish you the best on that."
Even though I was kinda caught off guard by his revelation, now that I think about it it doesn't surprise me as much, knowing all that I know about him at this point.
The next day I marinated on what he said...I feel so much stronger when I don't do it. I assumed he meant physically, but it can also mean mentally. I mean hell, sex does have a way of clouding people's minds from making good judgments. I do remember him telling me that he was with his ex-girlfriend for 4 years (from ages 16-20). Now he's just casually talking to one or two girls. Maybe he feels like if he doesn't have sex, he doesn't have to worry about all the other feelings or emotions and whatever else that comes with the territory of interacting with someone else. I have to pick his brain a little more about this. I can't really say I relate to what he's saying. Even though I have no desire of getting into a relationship, I still have the need to express myself physically with someone else. (Masturbation can only satisfy me for so long, as much I really enjoy it. It's the horny side of me talking lol.) I'm experiencing new-found physical expressions with this dude from Elizabeth (from a few blogs ago). Shit, if his horny ass had his way, we'd be fuckin every day. He was gonna come over this past Friday, but he got lost, then frustrated, then went back home. We've only had sex twice so far, and I honestly do feel better. It's the best stress reliever (not to mention calorie burner). I don't consider myself to be all that great in sex, but it does something to your ego when your partner is moaning and screaming in ecstasy from what you're giving them. You feel like a muthafuckin champ! LOL
But I know there has to be someone else that is going through (or can at least relate) to what my coworker is going through. So now I pose this question to all you bloggers out there...I always thought that sex was supposed to create a sense of well-being. But is/was there ever a time when the joy of sex took something out of you other than physically? Did you ever feel at a low point after you did the do? How? Why? My interest has been piqued now.
"I'm taking six months off," he blurted out.
"Six months off what?" I asked.
He then makes the symbol of sexual intercourse on his hands...one hand balled up into an O shape, with the index finger of the other hand going in and out of the O.
"Ohhhhhhhhh!" I responded incredulously, "Are you serious?"
"Yup," he answered, "I feel so much stronger when I don't do it."
"That's funny. I don't feel stronger until I get it in," I joked. "Well you know the weather's gettin nice. I wish you the best on that."
Even though I was kinda caught off guard by his revelation, now that I think about it it doesn't surprise me as much, knowing all that I know about him at this point.
The next day I marinated on what he said...I feel so much stronger when I don't do it. I assumed he meant physically, but it can also mean mentally. I mean hell, sex does have a way of clouding people's minds from making good judgments. I do remember him telling me that he was with his ex-girlfriend for 4 years (from ages 16-20). Now he's just casually talking to one or two girls. Maybe he feels like if he doesn't have sex, he doesn't have to worry about all the other feelings or emotions and whatever else that comes with the territory of interacting with someone else. I have to pick his brain a little more about this. I can't really say I relate to what he's saying. Even though I have no desire of getting into a relationship, I still have the need to express myself physically with someone else. (Masturbation can only satisfy me for so long, as much I really enjoy it. It's the horny side of me talking lol.) I'm experiencing new-found physical expressions with this dude from Elizabeth (from a few blogs ago). Shit, if his horny ass had his way, we'd be fuckin every day. He was gonna come over this past Friday, but he got lost, then frustrated, then went back home. We've only had sex twice so far, and I honestly do feel better. It's the best stress reliever (not to mention calorie burner). I don't consider myself to be all that great in sex, but it does something to your ego when your partner is moaning and screaming in ecstasy from what you're giving them. You feel like a muthafuckin champ! LOL
But I know there has to be someone else that is going through (or can at least relate) to what my coworker is going through. So now I pose this question to all you bloggers out there...I always thought that sex was supposed to create a sense of well-being. But is/was there ever a time when the joy of sex took something out of you other than physically? Did you ever feel at a low point after you did the do? How? Why? My interest has been piqued now.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Life Changes
Tuesday Morning, May 6, 2008: A man is getting himself ready for work. Everything seems customary. He saw his kids off to school, kisses his wife, probably got some breakfast, etc. But today something is a little different. Just when he is about to leave, he says to his wife how he doesn't feel too well. He lays down in bed, and never wakes up again...
That's basically how it happened for one of my coworkers (but I didn't work with him directly). At 42 years old, God removed him from this earth in an instant from a massive heart attack, leaving behind a grieving wife, two young sons, and a host of relatives, friends, and coworkers. Today was the daunting task of paying our last respects to the man. I sat in one of the 5 pews in the church where his coworkers sat. No, I didn't cry, because I didn't know him that well. But in my few encounters with him, I also saw him in a good mood. As some of my other coworkers who really knew him described him, he was a "gentle giant." Picture a black man that is about 6'4" or 6'5" and weighed about 260 lbs, yet always smiled and was well loved and respected to all that came in contact with him. In my year or so of working at my current job, I have NEVER heard anyone say ANYTHING bad about the man (cause people can spread some serious gossip about somebody at work!). He also was a very well-known party promoter in Jersey City (where he lived all his life). That says something about someone's character in that noone found any faults with him, no matter what field of work he was involved in.
As I listened to the funeral service and observed my coworker in the coffin, many thoughts went through my head. I started seeing family members and friends in the coffin, and yes, even pictured myself lying in there. (Hell, it could've been any of us in there.) It made me wonder about the things in my life that I needed to change/clean up before that fateful day that God decides that it's my time to depart this life as well, because life is VERY short! With all this being said, I made a pact with myself to follow through with the following things:
1. I will not worry myself over anything I have no control over. My job is tops. While I am enjoying the benefits of having a permanent job again after a 2 year layoff, I also know that I could be back in the same position I was before: back to a temp job or, worse, back to the unemployment office. That's just the way the job market is now; you can have a job today, the next day you're laid off. It's out of your control. Whatever will be will be. Why be stressed and discouraged over it? Everything happens for a reason.
2. I will strengthen myself physically, mentally, socially, and professionally. When I was younger, I could care less about exercising or eating right. Shit, I'm a slim dude; I need all the weight I can get! Now that I'm a little older, I realize that I can't just put whatever the fuck I want into my body and not expect it to catch up to me later on. Now I am making a conscious effort to eat better and incorporate some sort of exercise regimen (right now it's mainly push ups and sit ups). I will also strengthen myself by reading more books, watching shows dealing with politics and debates (which I'm still very much a novice at), participating more in discussions (instead of being the usual mute), and work on getting some type of certification for the work that I do (it makes me more marketable when the time comes that I have to change jobs).
3. I will still treat everybody the way I want to be treated, but I will not be concerned now if they are mad at me, not speaking to me, etc. That may sound a little selfish, but if I'm striving to be the best person I can be, I cannot be bogged down with who's mad at me or who's not speaking to me. It's petty bullshit. For most of my life I think I've been too concerned with what others thought of me. No more! I will still do the honorable thing and apologize if I said/did something wrong. But if they're mad after that point, they will get over it. And if they don't, that's their problem. I will still lay my head down at night and get my full 8 hours of sleep. No shade. My life must go on.
4. I will speak up and say what's on my mind more often. This is a hard one for me because I've always had difficulty getting my point across. I also have a problem holding things inside of me for months, even years, which lead to problems later on. But as I watched my coworker's wife and 2 sons place a flower on his casket, my mind immediately went back to September, 1987, when I (as a 9-year-old) did the same thing to my father's casket, and how tears ran down my face as I realized that, not only was I never going to see him again, but there was so much that I didn't get a chance to say to him. Sometimes I think about that and it tears me up that there wasn't closure, but now I realize that I must not let that happen again.
5. I will (re)disccover what my God-given talent is and use it to the best of my ability. When I was a kid, my mother put me in tap dancing class, and I continued the hobby for 8 years. Everybody was calling me the next Gregory Hines (it also helped that we have the same first name). But I stopped after the passing of my mother. At the time, it was too much for me to go on doing it without her. Every now and then I wonder what would've happened had I continued to tap dance. It could've lead to so many doors being opened that I couldn't possibly imagine. Now I ask myself what my talent is. Is it writing? Computers? I know it's there somewhere. I just have to tap into it and, most importantly, not waste a lot of time trying to find it. I've gotta do it, and do it now!
I'm sure there are other points I want to make, but my mind is kinda racing right now and my fingers can't keep up. But I managed to get out the bulk of what I was feeling. It's just too bad that it took something like a funeral for me to come to terms with what I really need to do to better my life. But like I said in the first point, don't all things happen for a reason?
That's basically how it happened for one of my coworkers (but I didn't work with him directly). At 42 years old, God removed him from this earth in an instant from a massive heart attack, leaving behind a grieving wife, two young sons, and a host of relatives, friends, and coworkers. Today was the daunting task of paying our last respects to the man. I sat in one of the 5 pews in the church where his coworkers sat. No, I didn't cry, because I didn't know him that well. But in my few encounters with him, I also saw him in a good mood. As some of my other coworkers who really knew him described him, he was a "gentle giant." Picture a black man that is about 6'4" or 6'5" and weighed about 260 lbs, yet always smiled and was well loved and respected to all that came in contact with him. In my year or so of working at my current job, I have NEVER heard anyone say ANYTHING bad about the man (cause people can spread some serious gossip about somebody at work!). He also was a very well-known party promoter in Jersey City (where he lived all his life). That says something about someone's character in that noone found any faults with him, no matter what field of work he was involved in.
As I listened to the funeral service and observed my coworker in the coffin, many thoughts went through my head. I started seeing family members and friends in the coffin, and yes, even pictured myself lying in there. (Hell, it could've been any of us in there.) It made me wonder about the things in my life that I needed to change/clean up before that fateful day that God decides that it's my time to depart this life as well, because life is VERY short! With all this being said, I made a pact with myself to follow through with the following things:
1. I will not worry myself over anything I have no control over. My job is tops. While I am enjoying the benefits of having a permanent job again after a 2 year layoff, I also know that I could be back in the same position I was before: back to a temp job or, worse, back to the unemployment office. That's just the way the job market is now; you can have a job today, the next day you're laid off. It's out of your control. Whatever will be will be. Why be stressed and discouraged over it? Everything happens for a reason.
2. I will strengthen myself physically, mentally, socially, and professionally. When I was younger, I could care less about exercising or eating right. Shit, I'm a slim dude; I need all the weight I can get! Now that I'm a little older, I realize that I can't just put whatever the fuck I want into my body and not expect it to catch up to me later on. Now I am making a conscious effort to eat better and incorporate some sort of exercise regimen (right now it's mainly push ups and sit ups). I will also strengthen myself by reading more books, watching shows dealing with politics and debates (which I'm still very much a novice at), participating more in discussions (instead of being the usual mute), and work on getting some type of certification for the work that I do (it makes me more marketable when the time comes that I have to change jobs).
3. I will still treat everybody the way I want to be treated, but I will not be concerned now if they are mad at me, not speaking to me, etc. That may sound a little selfish, but if I'm striving to be the best person I can be, I cannot be bogged down with who's mad at me or who's not speaking to me. It's petty bullshit. For most of my life I think I've been too concerned with what others thought of me. No more! I will still do the honorable thing and apologize if I said/did something wrong. But if they're mad after that point, they will get over it. And if they don't, that's their problem. I will still lay my head down at night and get my full 8 hours of sleep. No shade. My life must go on.
4. I will speak up and say what's on my mind more often. This is a hard one for me because I've always had difficulty getting my point across. I also have a problem holding things inside of me for months, even years, which lead to problems later on. But as I watched my coworker's wife and 2 sons place a flower on his casket, my mind immediately went back to September, 1987, when I (as a 9-year-old) did the same thing to my father's casket, and how tears ran down my face as I realized that, not only was I never going to see him again, but there was so much that I didn't get a chance to say to him. Sometimes I think about that and it tears me up that there wasn't closure, but now I realize that I must not let that happen again.
5. I will (re)disccover what my God-given talent is and use it to the best of my ability. When I was a kid, my mother put me in tap dancing class, and I continued the hobby for 8 years. Everybody was calling me the next Gregory Hines (it also helped that we have the same first name). But I stopped after the passing of my mother. At the time, it was too much for me to go on doing it without her. Every now and then I wonder what would've happened had I continued to tap dance. It could've lead to so many doors being opened that I couldn't possibly imagine. Now I ask myself what my talent is. Is it writing? Computers? I know it's there somewhere. I just have to tap into it and, most importantly, not waste a lot of time trying to find it. I've gotta do it, and do it now!
I'm sure there are other points I want to make, but my mind is kinda racing right now and my fingers can't keep up. But I managed to get out the bulk of what I was feeling. It's just too bad that it took something like a funeral for me to come to terms with what I really need to do to better my life. But like I said in the first point, don't all things happen for a reason?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Born-Again Virgin No More
WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. DEAL WITH IT LOL...
Anybody that knows me knows how I felt about being a bottom. Nope, not me. I will never, ever, never do that shit again. That stemmed from my frustration and disappointment with the few chosen dudes (four to be exact) lucky enough to get up in my ass. Especially the last dude, who swore up and down on his mama and daddy about how good his top status was, how I was gonna love it, blah blah blah. (Some short dude from Philly. He must've had a Napolean Complex or something.) Anyway, after the lackluster performance that he called fuckin me, I swore off letting anybody else get the chance. And believe it or not, I kept my word for six whole years to the month...April 2002. Many dudes have come after him asking me, hell, practically begging me to give em some. Some gave me the line that they will take their time, and even tried just sticking the head in. But just like nagging mosquitos in the summer, I brushed em all away.
Fuck them! They are not my boyfriends. They'll just get it from somebody else. They will be just fine, I told myself. And I was perfectly content with that answer.
By the time I started to talk to this dude about a year or so ago from Elizabeth that I met from Men4Now, I was happy with the (very high) wall I built up about bottoming. Like I always do, as soon as he hit me up, I immediately went to the "sexual role" part of his profile. Versatile. Great, I said to myself, he's gonna eventually want some ass if we meet. But little does he know that opening is closed indefinitely! Many months passed throughout our phone conversations (and phone boning) about hookin up. I was not pressed on meeting him. I've gone years without meeting people face-to-face that I consider good friends. He definitely did not fit that criteria, so I wasn't beat at all. A phone call or IM every now and then would suit me just fine. And besides, I was still living at home with my aunt and uncle, and he had his brother staying with him, so we really had no place to meet up anyway. (He mentioned a hotel, but I don't do hotels just for sex. Shot that down real quick.) Oh well...life goes on.
But when I moved into my own place earlier this month, a funny thing happened. I actually started thinking about allowing myself to become a bottom once again. But with whom, I said to myself. Shit, I don't wanna just give that up to just any dude. To me, givin up the ass symbolizes giving up a very big part of you that everybody should not be entitled to. I knew I wanted to do it with somebody I was cool (or semi-cool) with, so the Elizabeth dude was near the top of the list. So began my full-fledged propositioning. About a week later, he told me he would come through this past Tuesday. Oh boy, the time has come once again. Gotta finally walk the walk instead of talking the talk. When I got home Tuesday, I saw that he was online, so I hit him up asking if he was still coming. He said he forgot that he had to go to his cousin's house for some kinda party. See, I knew it, he's bullshittin. But hey, I ain't sweatin it. My hole will just continue to stay closed to dicks a little while longer. He then mentions that he's "definitely not doing anything tomorrow." So we rescheduled for the next day.
He calls me the next day while I'm still at work, so I told him I would call him when I get home. When I got home, I was still only halfway believing that he was actually gonna come thru. And I definitely was half-skeptical about letting him in back there. But my optimism won out, so I jumped in the shower and proceeded to get myself together. I text him and hit him up online, and I got no response to neither. Just like I thought, he's not coming. He's full of shit. I went into the kitchen to fix myself dinner and didn't worry about him. Lo and behold, the muthafucka calls me around 8:30 and told me he was coming. Hot damn, he's actually gonna keep his word. "Is 9:30 cool?" he asked.
"Yeah that's fine," I said.
I can't say I was excited or waiting in anticipation. Lord knows I've met up with many dudes, and he really was no different. I was over the excitement of meeting a dude. He calls me around 9:45 and told me he was down the street, so I went outside to meet him and direct him to a parking spot. I got inside his car and was relieved that he was not a monster. (He showed me a nice pic a good while ago, but by then, I practically forgot what he looked like.) I escorted him into my apartment and directed him into my bedroom. Oh yeah, did I mention he had a bottle of Henny with him? LOL We both sipped on the Henny while watching a porno. He seemed to be more interested in the liquor and porno than me, so I scooted my ass over closer and closer to him, which lead to me kissing on his neck. Then we got to it...
More kissin and lickin, me givin him head, him givin me head. I was just happy that I was gettin any kind of action again after four months. Then he asked me, "You wanna fuck me?"
"Yeah, if that's what you want," I answered. (I'm very laid-back in all aspects of my life.") So out comes the condom and lube, and up pop his legs on my shoulders. He told me he last bottomed back in November, and he seemed to be takin it like a damn pro. First on his back, then doggy, then on his stomach. From the way he was moaning and responding, I take it that he enjoyed what I was giving. And believe me, I enjoyed giving it. I silently patted myself on the back for a good job. After that part was over, I straddled myself across his stomach. As I straddled him, he did what oh so many dudes in the past have done...he tried sticking the head in. I quickly pushed away.
"I just wanted to play with it," he says.
"I don't play like that, especially with no condom," I said back.
"Aight, so get the condom."
*Insert Jeopardy music here*
Hmm...should I let him have some or should I just tell him no. Decisions, decisions. After a few seconds, I got myself off the bed and went to my drawer to get another condom, silently talking to myself the whole time.
Maybe it won't hurt as much as the last time I remember.
He's only about 7.5 inches; I think I can deal with that.
He did let me fuck him; it's only right that I reciprocate.
So I climbed on top of him and tried to guide the car into my tunnel. No luck.
"Let me try another position," he said.
Oh boy, here we go.
So I laid myself on my bed, on my stomach, with my legs off the bed. First I felt fingers, then I eventually felt the thing that reminded me six years ago why I absolutely hated being a bottom. I felt the dick reach the part inside me that truly opened me up and made my cherry go, pop! OMG! I don't know if I can get used to this again! He slowly stroked himself in and out of me. It still hurt me but it actually was pretty good nonetheless. He continued for a good while longer until I decided that enough was enough; the probing was over lol. We bust our collective nuts and the show was officially over.
And with that, my Great Wall of China (Great Wall of Greg?) came tumbling down. I accomplished givin up the booty to somebody that I was on pretty good terms with. And I'm sure it's not gonna be some one time thing. I'll meet up with him again and get reacquainted with this whole versatile thing. I know one thing...we better have a bigger bottle of liquor cause that bitch brought over a little half pint of Henny. I was so over him for that shit! LOL I wanna be nice and inebriated next time so I can really be relaxed. Til next time, my hole will return to normal lol. (I know my crew is gagging right now, but smiling. Right?)
Anybody that knows me knows how I felt about being a bottom. Nope, not me. I will never, ever, never do that shit again. That stemmed from my frustration and disappointment with the few chosen dudes (four to be exact) lucky enough to get up in my ass. Especially the last dude, who swore up and down on his mama and daddy about how good his top status was, how I was gonna love it, blah blah blah. (Some short dude from Philly. He must've had a Napolean Complex or something.) Anyway, after the lackluster performance that he called fuckin me, I swore off letting anybody else get the chance. And believe it or not, I kept my word for six whole years to the month...April 2002. Many dudes have come after him asking me, hell, practically begging me to give em some. Some gave me the line that they will take their time, and even tried just sticking the head in. But just like nagging mosquitos in the summer, I brushed em all away.
Fuck them! They are not my boyfriends. They'll just get it from somebody else. They will be just fine, I told myself. And I was perfectly content with that answer.
By the time I started to talk to this dude about a year or so ago from Elizabeth that I met from Men4Now, I was happy with the (very high) wall I built up about bottoming. Like I always do, as soon as he hit me up, I immediately went to the "sexual role" part of his profile. Versatile. Great, I said to myself, he's gonna eventually want some ass if we meet. But little does he know that opening is closed indefinitely! Many months passed throughout our phone conversations (and phone boning) about hookin up. I was not pressed on meeting him. I've gone years without meeting people face-to-face that I consider good friends. He definitely did not fit that criteria, so I wasn't beat at all. A phone call or IM every now and then would suit me just fine. And besides, I was still living at home with my aunt and uncle, and he had his brother staying with him, so we really had no place to meet up anyway. (He mentioned a hotel, but I don't do hotels just for sex. Shot that down real quick.) Oh well...life goes on.
But when I moved into my own place earlier this month, a funny thing happened. I actually started thinking about allowing myself to become a bottom once again. But with whom, I said to myself. Shit, I don't wanna just give that up to just any dude. To me, givin up the ass symbolizes giving up a very big part of you that everybody should not be entitled to. I knew I wanted to do it with somebody I was cool (or semi-cool) with, so the Elizabeth dude was near the top of the list. So began my full-fledged propositioning. About a week later, he told me he would come through this past Tuesday. Oh boy, the time has come once again. Gotta finally walk the walk instead of talking the talk. When I got home Tuesday, I saw that he was online, so I hit him up asking if he was still coming. He said he forgot that he had to go to his cousin's house for some kinda party. See, I knew it, he's bullshittin. But hey, I ain't sweatin it. My hole will just continue to stay closed to dicks a little while longer. He then mentions that he's "definitely not doing anything tomorrow." So we rescheduled for the next day.
He calls me the next day while I'm still at work, so I told him I would call him when I get home. When I got home, I was still only halfway believing that he was actually gonna come thru. And I definitely was half-skeptical about letting him in back there. But my optimism won out, so I jumped in the shower and proceeded to get myself together. I text him and hit him up online, and I got no response to neither. Just like I thought, he's not coming. He's full of shit. I went into the kitchen to fix myself dinner and didn't worry about him. Lo and behold, the muthafucka calls me around 8:30 and told me he was coming. Hot damn, he's actually gonna keep his word. "Is 9:30 cool?" he asked.
"Yeah that's fine," I said.
I can't say I was excited or waiting in anticipation. Lord knows I've met up with many dudes, and he really was no different. I was over the excitement of meeting a dude. He calls me around 9:45 and told me he was down the street, so I went outside to meet him and direct him to a parking spot. I got inside his car and was relieved that he was not a monster. (He showed me a nice pic a good while ago, but by then, I practically forgot what he looked like.) I escorted him into my apartment and directed him into my bedroom. Oh yeah, did I mention he had a bottle of Henny with him? LOL We both sipped on the Henny while watching a porno. He seemed to be more interested in the liquor and porno than me, so I scooted my ass over closer and closer to him, which lead to me kissing on his neck. Then we got to it...
More kissin and lickin, me givin him head, him givin me head. I was just happy that I was gettin any kind of action again after four months. Then he asked me, "You wanna fuck me?"
"Yeah, if that's what you want," I answered. (I'm very laid-back in all aspects of my life.") So out comes the condom and lube, and up pop his legs on my shoulders. He told me he last bottomed back in November, and he seemed to be takin it like a damn pro. First on his back, then doggy, then on his stomach. From the way he was moaning and responding, I take it that he enjoyed what I was giving. And believe me, I enjoyed giving it. I silently patted myself on the back for a good job. After that part was over, I straddled myself across his stomach. As I straddled him, he did what oh so many dudes in the past have done...he tried sticking the head in. I quickly pushed away.
"I just wanted to play with it," he says.
"I don't play like that, especially with no condom," I said back.
"Aight, so get the condom."
*Insert Jeopardy music here*
Hmm...should I let him have some or should I just tell him no. Decisions, decisions. After a few seconds, I got myself off the bed and went to my drawer to get another condom, silently talking to myself the whole time.
Maybe it won't hurt as much as the last time I remember.
He's only about 7.5 inches; I think I can deal with that.
He did let me fuck him; it's only right that I reciprocate.
So I climbed on top of him and tried to guide the car into my tunnel. No luck.
"Let me try another position," he said.
Oh boy, here we go.
So I laid myself on my bed, on my stomach, with my legs off the bed. First I felt fingers, then I eventually felt the thing that reminded me six years ago why I absolutely hated being a bottom. I felt the dick reach the part inside me that truly opened me up and made my cherry go, pop! OMG! I don't know if I can get used to this again! He slowly stroked himself in and out of me. It still hurt me but it actually was pretty good nonetheless. He continued for a good while longer until I decided that enough was enough; the probing was over lol. We bust our collective nuts and the show was officially over.
And with that, my Great Wall of China (Great Wall of Greg?) came tumbling down. I accomplished givin up the booty to somebody that I was on pretty good terms with. And I'm sure it's not gonna be some one time thing. I'll meet up with him again and get reacquainted with this whole versatile thing. I know one thing...we better have a bigger bottle of liquor cause that bitch brought over a little half pint of Henny. I was so over him for that shit! LOL I wanna be nice and inebriated next time so I can really be relaxed. Til next time, my hole will return to normal lol. (I know my crew is gagging right now, but smiling. Right?)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Independence!
After years of saying how much I was going to/wanted to move out to a spot of my own, on Saturday, April 5th it finally came to fruition. I moved from Somerset to Bayonne. (I'm still kickin myself for doing this at the age of 30, but oh well. Everything happens for a reason.) I chose Bayonne cause it's a pretty nice neighborhood, yet close enough to my job in Jersey City that I can walk to the light rail station. Plus, I save time and money from taking the regular NJ Transit train (one of the worst train systems ever!). Now my commute has been reduced from 50 minutes to 25 minutes. Alriiiiiiiight! And for all those that already live on their own, they know what I'm talkin about when I say how free and independent it feels to come home to a place that's allllllll yours, just the way YOU left it, without hearin nobody's fuckin mouth! You can come and go as you please, have whoever come through, and walk around au natural whenever. (If my walls could talk about that, they would tell you all about that one lol.) But seriously, I felt like by staying at home, I was stifling myself as a man from reaching my full potential, and now I feel like my potential is pretty much limitless now. For so long, I worried about whether I had the economic means or even the determination to live alone. The economic means happened this year (thank God for bonuses!), which in turn triggered my determination. I'm sure my aunt and uncle miss having me there taking care of little things around the house, and I'm sure they miss my portion of the mortgage money too! God has finally blessed with this opportunity, and I jumped at the chance. I'll most likely have a housewarming party, since everybody keeps asking me. Now I just to work on having my special company come over lol. And to all my friends...NO PARTIES at my house. We'll save those for Shawn's spot, cause his spot is the designated location for our kinda parties lol.
I got a steady job, a car, and now my own apartment. My shit is set now! Go head me!
I got a steady job, a car, and now my own apartment. My shit is set now! Go head me!
Friday, March 28, 2008
My Prayer
This is dedicated to one of the best friends I've ever had (love you man!), and to all those going through. Be encouraged!
God, I pray that you come into their lives right now and touch, heal, and comfort their broken hearts and spirits. I ask that You manifest Yourself in their lives by renewing their strength, faith, trust, and joy in You. Don't let them be tricked by the Devil into thinking they are the only ones going through life's problems and they are all alone, for we know that we as humans all go through the same things eventually. Please Lord I ask that You allow them to not be afraid to reach out to You and others for help, because noone can make it through this life entirely on their own. Let them not forget that You have placed us into their lives for a reason, and we are there for them in their time of need. It hurts us to see people we care about go through an emotional transformation when tribulations come, but remind them that You will never give them more than they can bear, and no weapon formed against them shall prosper. All things work together for the good for those that love You. Continue to guide them in Your marvelous light and presence so that they will instantly know that, when storms and trials come, they'll see that storms don't last forever. Order their steps and give them inner peace so that they can rest in the comfort of Your arms. All these things I ask in the mighty name of Jesus...Amen.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
My Milestone (Part 2)
Last night marked the conclusion to my 30th birthday celebration. Part 2's celebration was more sophisticated than Part 1's, taking place at Elmo Restaurant in the Chelsea section of NYC. I rented out the room downstairs, ordered a party tray, and hired a DJ. This was my first year planning any type of party at all, let alone my own party. So it was all a new experience for me, and I was a little anxious and nervous cause I wanted my guests to be comfortable and everything to turn out right.
I planned on arriving at the venue around 8PM (the time I said the party would start). I didn't wanna be one of those hosts that showed up after their guests did. But I ended up getting there about 8:40 (still haven't gotten used to driving to some parts of Manhattan yet lol). But it really didn't matter, cause when I got there, nobody was there anyway. *Sigh* Black people always have be so damn fashionably late lol. About 20 minutes later, my first guest arrives...X. I asked him at the last minute to buy a nice strawberry shortcake, and dude came through. Not only did he have the cake, but he had the candles with the number 30. (Thanks X! Much appreciated!) My second guest Jason arrived about a half hour later. Most of the people didn't get there til 10, and I did my duties as a host and mingled with all of them. I was relieved as I saw everybody talking, laughing, eating, drinking, dancing and just plain having a good time. People really seemed to have liked the restaurant. It did give off a nice aura, so I was proud of myself for picking it. Did I have some drinks? Hell yeah! It's my party! LOL But I promised myself that I would not have a rerun of last week's encounter, so I stuck with Malibu and orange the whole night. (No prayin to the porcelain god this time lol.) I was proud of myself for keeping my own word. Around midnight, the cake was served and the party was starting to wind down. A little more dancing and conversing ensued, and the party was officially over at 1AM. (I later learned that some of my guests snuck upstairs to get pics with the Danity Kane chicks and a pic of Will from Day 26. How dare yall lol.)
After that, my boys Dee and Jason and myself went on over to the Secret Lounge, where we unexpectedly struck up a decent conversation with 2 older white dudes as we waited on line in the cold to get inside. They seemed real cool, but one of em was a little too damn touchy feely and a bit too inquisitive. Leave it to my boy Dee to read him quite well, so I just let them carry on. When we finally got inside, it was crowded as I expected. We made our way to the bar and pretty much stayed there the whole time. (Another Malibu and orange ordered for me, paid for by Dee.) Jason met up with 2 people he knew, while Dee and I just shot the breeze. Eventually, touchy feely white dude spotted us again, so he came over to us. (Yet one more Malibu and orange ordered, paid for by Touchy Feely.) At this point, I was getting pretty tired, so I stepped away from the bar and leaned against the wall while Dee and Touchy Feely conversed. We finally ended up leaving at 4, when it closed.
And this concludes my 30th birthday extravaganza. I just want to thank everybody for helping me celebrate (everybody knows who they are; no need to name all the names). Your presence made it the best birthday I've ever had. Thanks for the love and support!
Shawn and Dee, you're up next. Let's see what yall come up with lol.
I planned on arriving at the venue around 8PM (the time I said the party would start). I didn't wanna be one of those hosts that showed up after their guests did. But I ended up getting there about 8:40 (still haven't gotten used to driving to some parts of Manhattan yet lol). But it really didn't matter, cause when I got there, nobody was there anyway. *Sigh* Black people always have be so damn fashionably late lol. About 20 minutes later, my first guest arrives...X. I asked him at the last minute to buy a nice strawberry shortcake, and dude came through. Not only did he have the cake, but he had the candles with the number 30. (Thanks X! Much appreciated!) My second guest Jason arrived about a half hour later. Most of the people didn't get there til 10, and I did my duties as a host and mingled with all of them. I was relieved as I saw everybody talking, laughing, eating, drinking, dancing and just plain having a good time. People really seemed to have liked the restaurant. It did give off a nice aura, so I was proud of myself for picking it. Did I have some drinks? Hell yeah! It's my party! LOL But I promised myself that I would not have a rerun of last week's encounter, so I stuck with Malibu and orange the whole night. (No prayin to the porcelain god this time lol.) I was proud of myself for keeping my own word. Around midnight, the cake was served and the party was starting to wind down. A little more dancing and conversing ensued, and the party was officially over at 1AM. (I later learned that some of my guests snuck upstairs to get pics with the Danity Kane chicks and a pic of Will from Day 26. How dare yall lol.)
After that, my boys Dee and Jason and myself went on over to the Secret Lounge, where we unexpectedly struck up a decent conversation with 2 older white dudes as we waited on line in the cold to get inside. They seemed real cool, but one of em was a little too damn touchy feely and a bit too inquisitive. Leave it to my boy Dee to read him quite well, so I just let them carry on. When we finally got inside, it was crowded as I expected. We made our way to the bar and pretty much stayed there the whole time. (Another Malibu and orange ordered for me, paid for by Dee.) Jason met up with 2 people he knew, while Dee and I just shot the breeze. Eventually, touchy feely white dude spotted us again, so he came over to us. (Yet one more Malibu and orange ordered, paid for by Touchy Feely.) At this point, I was getting pretty tired, so I stepped away from the bar and leaned against the wall while Dee and Touchy Feely conversed. We finally ended up leaving at 4, when it closed.
And this concludes my 30th birthday extravaganza. I just want to thank everybody for helping me celebrate (everybody knows who they are; no need to name all the names). Your presence made it the best birthday I've ever had. Thanks for the love and support!
Shawn and Dee, you're up next. Let's see what yall come up with lol.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
My Milestone (Part One)
Well folks, on March 15, I celebrated a milestone (by society's standards I guess). I reached the big 3-0. Of course I got the whole 'you're old' comments, but I don't mind that at all. I consider myself an old soul anyway, so I'm embracing it and can't wait to see what God has in store for me as I enter my third decade of life.
It was kind of a last-minute decision for me, but I decided to have a smaller gathering yesterday at my friend Shawn's house. (My REAL party will be at a restaurant in NYC this upcoming Saturday.) It was just like any other typical party...food, drinks, friends, (some) cute boys, and just all-around fun, fun, fun. I really just wanted my closest friends and the friends I've known the longest to be there, and I was happy with the turnout. (Of course there were newer faces there but I didn't mind.)
The party started at 8, but you know black folk don't ever get to parties on time lol. So most of em filed in after 9. Some of my friends presented me with my own personal bottle of liquor (in addition to the bottle of Alize I bought for myself). Hmmm.....I guess I'm officially a lush now lol. My friend Chef Fuzzy cooked a scrumptious meal (made to order) of fried chicken, baked ziti, macaroni & cheese, string beans. Of course I fucked that food up, and so did everybody else that ate. And my other friend, Mama Omar, baked a yellow cake with chocolate frosting (made to order again). Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, whether they were eating, drinking (which yours truly definitely did, more on that later lol), conversing, watching movies, or playing cards. By the time it came for me to cut my cake, the alcohol was seepin up on me. My friends wanted me to do a little speech, but I was never good at that stuff. I basically thanked everybody for comin out and supporting me. I was truly grateful and appreciative. I never dreamed I would have so many friends, cause I was so shy and introverted growing up. I felt truly blessed to have good people around me. After I had a few more drinks, ya boy was RIPPED! I sat my ass down on a chair and didn't get up til.....I ran to the bathroom to throw up. LMAO. I was told later that I had at least 6 drinks, but I only counted 4. Oh well, it's my party and I can throw up if I want to LOL. I was drifting in and out of sleep for much of the early morning, so I didn't get to see most of my guests leave. I was so drunk I couldn't even drive my boi Jay home (sorry Jay lol). I woke up for the last time around 7AM this morning. I didn't have a headache, but I damn sure felt nautious. Had to take some Pepto Bismol to calm my stomach down. Musta been the remnants of the liquor still swimmin around lol.
Oh yeah, and to further prove my theory of one degree of separation in this lifestyle, this dude that I used to mess with showed up too. I didn't have his new number, and I didn't think he knew anybody I knew but, alas, he did. I was kinda surprised to see him, but I quickly got over it. He showed up with his boyfriend (that he left his girlfriend for lol).
So that was my first birthday celebration. The upcoming one this Saturday will be more sophisticated (and most likely have more people). You know what that means....that I will not be passed out nowhere in a drunken stupor lol. I'll keep yall posted...
It was kind of a last-minute decision for me, but I decided to have a smaller gathering yesterday at my friend Shawn's house. (My REAL party will be at a restaurant in NYC this upcoming Saturday.) It was just like any other typical party...food, drinks, friends, (some) cute boys, and just all-around fun, fun, fun. I really just wanted my closest friends and the friends I've known the longest to be there, and I was happy with the turnout. (Of course there were newer faces there but I didn't mind.)
The party started at 8, but you know black folk don't ever get to parties on time lol. So most of em filed in after 9. Some of my friends presented me with my own personal bottle of liquor (in addition to the bottle of Alize I bought for myself). Hmmm.....I guess I'm officially a lush now lol. My friend Chef Fuzzy cooked a scrumptious meal (made to order) of fried chicken, baked ziti, macaroni & cheese, string beans. Of course I fucked that food up, and so did everybody else that ate. And my other friend, Mama Omar, baked a yellow cake with chocolate frosting (made to order again). Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, whether they were eating, drinking (which yours truly definitely did, more on that later lol), conversing, watching movies, or playing cards. By the time it came for me to cut my cake, the alcohol was seepin up on me. My friends wanted me to do a little speech, but I was never good at that stuff. I basically thanked everybody for comin out and supporting me. I was truly grateful and appreciative. I never dreamed I would have so many friends, cause I was so shy and introverted growing up. I felt truly blessed to have good people around me. After I had a few more drinks, ya boy was RIPPED! I sat my ass down on a chair and didn't get up til.....I ran to the bathroom to throw up. LMAO. I was told later that I had at least 6 drinks, but I only counted 4. Oh well, it's my party and I can throw up if I want to LOL. I was drifting in and out of sleep for much of the early morning, so I didn't get to see most of my guests leave. I was so drunk I couldn't even drive my boi Jay home (sorry Jay lol). I woke up for the last time around 7AM this morning. I didn't have a headache, but I damn sure felt nautious. Had to take some Pepto Bismol to calm my stomach down. Musta been the remnants of the liquor still swimmin around lol.
Oh yeah, and to further prove my theory of one degree of separation in this lifestyle, this dude that I used to mess with showed up too. I didn't have his new number, and I didn't think he knew anybody I knew but, alas, he did. I was kinda surprised to see him, but I quickly got over it. He showed up with his boyfriend (that he left his girlfriend for lol).
So that was my first birthday celebration. The upcoming one this Saturday will be more sophisticated (and most likely have more people). You know what that means....that I will not be passed out nowhere in a drunken stupor lol. I'll keep yall posted...
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
My First 'Random Thoughts' Post
For the first time since I've had this blog (which has been about six months now), I decided to post random thoughts. I don't know why, but I don't particularly like to write just random thoughts on my blog. Whenever I post, I usually think about it for a day or two to gather my thoughts, then start typing it up. If it's a really in-depth post, like discussing my parents, I type up a draft, leave it alone, then come back to it to make sure all the details I want are all in there. But hell, I haven't posted in about a month, so this is a good way to update my shit lol. Here goes....
* I haven't told a lot of people from my church (cause the people are nosy as hell), but I told this one chick that goes to my church that I'm mad cool with that I was gonna be moving out of my aunt and uncle's house. She tried to convince me otherwise by telling me how hard it is, and if I have credit card debt, then I shouldn't move at this time. (Maybe because she's goin through hard times living by herself.) Shit, I'll be 30 years old soon. How much longer do I wait? And besides, I know it's gonna be hard cause life period is hard. My credit card debt is not going away any time soon. I will always owe somebody some money, so I'm definitely payin that no mind at all. Her situation has nothin to do with me. But I believe it's different for a man to be living at home at a certain age than a woman. I know another girl from my church that's 32 and still living at home. And she's cool with it. Not me. The way I see it, the longer I stay home, the more less of a man I feel. I feel like I'm stifling my growth by staying here and I need to spread my fuckin wings. The time is overdue!
* Yesterday I told my uncle that I will be moving very soon. He just nodded his head in agreement. Of course the real reaction from him will be when I finally do move out, and only he and his wife will be responsible for all the house bills. But that's not my problem nor my responsibility. I didn't make the decision to move and get a 4 BR house. I gots to go!
* Today, while on my commute, I was bombarded with screaming Giants fans on both the NJ Transit train and the PATH train, all on their way to the parade. The PATH train was a lot worse cause the black folk were on there screaming, and I'm pretty sure a few were drunk as hell. By the way one dude was holding the plastic bag, I can tell by the shape of the bottle that it was either Hennessey or E&J, and he was poring it into a cup. Damn! They're gettin drunk already, I was thinkin to myself. Mind you, it was only about 10:30 in the morning. But I bet very few of em got their asses up to vote! I can tell by one of them screaming out, "Eli Manning for President!" Sad. It's obvious where the priorities are for some of our people.
* I still don't know what the hell I wanna do for my 30th. Half of me wants a full-fledged party (cause 30 is such a milestone), but half of me just wants a simple dinner. I half-jokingly (but kinda seriously) asked my friend from Jersey City if he can help me plan it. I think he's trying to help me lol, but I'll see. He said if his apartment were bigger I could have it there. Oh well. I have 39 more days and counting til the big day.
That's all the random thoughts I have for now.
* I haven't told a lot of people from my church (cause the people are nosy as hell), but I told this one chick that goes to my church that I'm mad cool with that I was gonna be moving out of my aunt and uncle's house. She tried to convince me otherwise by telling me how hard it is, and if I have credit card debt, then I shouldn't move at this time. (Maybe because she's goin through hard times living by herself.) Shit, I'll be 30 years old soon. How much longer do I wait? And besides, I know it's gonna be hard cause life period is hard. My credit card debt is not going away any time soon. I will always owe somebody some money, so I'm definitely payin that no mind at all. Her situation has nothin to do with me. But I believe it's different for a man to be living at home at a certain age than a woman. I know another girl from my church that's 32 and still living at home. And she's cool with it. Not me. The way I see it, the longer I stay home, the more less of a man I feel. I feel like I'm stifling my growth by staying here and I need to spread my fuckin wings. The time is overdue!
* Yesterday I told my uncle that I will be moving very soon. He just nodded his head in agreement. Of course the real reaction from him will be when I finally do move out, and only he and his wife will be responsible for all the house bills. But that's not my problem nor my responsibility. I didn't make the decision to move and get a 4 BR house. I gots to go!
* Today, while on my commute, I was bombarded with screaming Giants fans on both the NJ Transit train and the PATH train, all on their way to the parade. The PATH train was a lot worse cause the black folk were on there screaming, and I'm pretty sure a few were drunk as hell. By the way one dude was holding the plastic bag, I can tell by the shape of the bottle that it was either Hennessey or E&J, and he was poring it into a cup. Damn! They're gettin drunk already, I was thinkin to myself. Mind you, it was only about 10:30 in the morning. But I bet very few of em got their asses up to vote! I can tell by one of them screaming out, "Eli Manning for President!" Sad. It's obvious where the priorities are for some of our people.
* I still don't know what the hell I wanna do for my 30th. Half of me wants a full-fledged party (cause 30 is such a milestone), but half of me just wants a simple dinner. I half-jokingly (but kinda seriously) asked my friend from Jersey City if he can help me plan it. I think he's trying to help me lol, but I'll see. He said if his apartment were bigger I could have it there. Oh well. I have 39 more days and counting til the big day.
That's all the random thoughts I have for now.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
It's Alright
Lately, I've been hearing a song on the radio by a new R&B artist called Ledisi (pronounced LED-a-see). (Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ledisi to find out more about her.) When I listened to the song she has out now called "Alright," the words really spoke to me. They are thought-provoking, real, and so very true! Sometimes in life, when things are not going the way we want them to, we just need to just remind ourselves that it's gonna be alright. I hope yall enjoy it as much as I did. (And I also posted the lyrics at the bottom.)
This life can make me so confused but it's alright
Living day by day I feel so used that ain't right
I just wanna run and hide
I don't have the time to cry it's alright (it's alright)
Alright
Many thoughts are running through my head, it's alright
Wishing to be somewhere else but here, it's alright
I can't wait to see your face
I need a smile and your embrace, and I'm alright
Alright
Chorus:
Life can bring us through many changes, it's alright
Just don't give up
Know that it's gonna be alright
People come and they go
That's just the way that it goes
Everything is everything
It's alright
Sometimes the rain it makes me sad and it's alright
Some things in the world make me mad and it's alright
In the morning when I see the sun I know I'm not the only one
It's alright
Alright
Wish I had some money to pay my bills
I can't even buy that dress on sale but it's alright
Having money don't mean a thing
Loving you is everything
I'm alright
Chorus:
Life can bring us through many changes, it's alright
Just don't give up
Know that it's gonna be alright
People come and they go
That's just the way that it goes
Everything is everything
It's alright
This life can make me so confused but it's alright
Living day by day I feel so used that ain't right
I just wanna run and hide
I don't have the time to cry it's alright (it's alright)
Alright
Many thoughts are running through my head, it's alright
Wishing to be somewhere else but here, it's alright
I can't wait to see your face
I need a smile and your embrace, and I'm alright
Alright
Chorus:
Life can bring us through many changes, it's alright
Just don't give up
Know that it's gonna be alright
People come and they go
That's just the way that it goes
Everything is everything
It's alright
Sometimes the rain it makes me sad and it's alright
Some things in the world make me mad and it's alright
In the morning when I see the sun I know I'm not the only one
It's alright
Alright
Wish I had some money to pay my bills
I can't even buy that dress on sale but it's alright
Having money don't mean a thing
Loving you is everything
I'm alright
Chorus:
Life can bring us through many changes, it's alright
Just don't give up
Know that it's gonna be alright
People come and they go
That's just the way that it goes
Everything is everything
It's alright
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