Monday, August 18, 2008

One Door Closes, Another One (Re)Opens

It has been nearly a month since I have stopped speaking to one of my good friends. Although I sometimes miss talking to him, I do not regret my decision. I actually have been doing just fine since then, cause life does indeed go on. I've been living and enjoying my life without missing a beat. And why wouldn't I be? Life is too short, and it seems as though people are leaving this earth younger and younger. As Martin Lawrence said in Runteldat, ride this life until the wheels fall off!

While I was continuing on with life, an old friend re-appeared. I've known him for a total of about 6 years now. I met him on Blackplanet (remember that? Before Adam4Adam, Blkgaychat, and Men4Now came along? LOL), and he lives in south Jersey (Camden county). Over time, we became very good friends, and I would visit him at least once a month. Yes we messed around a few times (lol), but it was more than that. We clicked right away and shared some of the same interests. I got the chance to meet some of his family, friends, and the dudes that he dated. When you meet people off these damn web sites, you pretty much take a crap shoot on if they're gonna be a true friend, a fuck buddy, a psycho, or just a bonified asshole, and I was so blessed that this person demonstrated himself as a true friend.

But a few years ago (2004 I believe), he reached a revelation....he decided that he was going to give up the gay lifestyle, marry a woman, and live a heterosexual life. He had always claimed he was bisexual, but he started to incorporate religion into his life, and he felt that God was moving him in another direction, which means he was cutting off all of his friends and people who knew him in that lifestyle. As disappointed as I was about that decision, who am I to judge or argue with how God chooses to deal with someone? So I wished him the very best in his life.

Fast forward to last week. He hits me up out of the blue on AIM. He tells me that things didn't quite work out with his wife and that they are separated and living apart. (They were married for about two years.) But above that, he missed talking/hanging out with his good friends. I have long given up on holding grudges against people, so I gladly welcomed him back. Now we talk again a few times a week, and we pretty much slipped right back into our roles just like old times...talking, joking, laughing, etc. In the very near future, I'll be going down to south Jersey to see if his looks changed at all and just to get reacquainted with his presence once more. It honestly doesn't feel like it's been four years since we stopped speaking. It feels so good to reconnect with an old friend. It is with great pleasure that I say to him...Welcome back!


Shallotte said...

I'm female,hetero and i'm a Christian. Yet I can never understand anyone calling themselves Christian and preaching that love is wrong. I just don't get it! What I understand to be wrong in GOD's eye, is lustful behaviour, not love! I just think it's sad that your friend had to go through all that confusion and I hope he accepts himself for who he is and finds peace. He must listen to what his heart tells him about being gay (if he's really gay), that will be his conscience/GOD right there talking to him.And if it feels right, then it is right.

Mr. Jones said...

Good for you. No need to hold grudges. It's not a good look and it causes wrinkles.

Just keep whatever separated you two in your mental Rolodex and proceed cautiously.

ShawnQt said...

So does he want to reenter the lifestyle, or just reconnecting with u and others?

Darius T. Williams said...

I know you don't have all the details, but when you do...we need them.

I'm with all the others - especially Mr. Jones & Shallotte! I say go and be with him - show him what a real friend does. But, don't you two ignore the real elephant that will be in the room!

Jersey Brotha said...

@ Shallotte: Right you are!

@ Mr. Jones: It also causes gray hair lol. But I was cool with it; I know it was nothing I did personally to him.

@ Shawnqt: I'm pretty sure he wants to come back into the lifestyle. He says he is still attracted to men. He's already tellin me about how sexy TI is lol.

@ Darius: I don't think they'll be that many details. I'm not expecting it to be this grand event. But I have any details to share, you (and the rest of will know lol.

ponoono said...

well don't bring any of your good clothes down to the shore.. they just gonna end up balled up on the floor and kicked in the corner anywayz.

enjoy the vacation !

Promiscuous X said...

This post is the truth

Young,Black and DL said...

My comment is more so actually for Promiscuous X, well and to JerseyBrotha...your simple 5 word comment, got mind just flowing. I really don't know where his comment was coming from, or what part he was talking about, but "This post is the Truth"..huh, well I truly think, personally, this is some Krackle Knackle Bull... I really do.

Now I understand where this old friend, is coming from..I really do. Based off the lifestyle I live and the hidden things I do... I get the hidden struggles of your desires and the wanted to have the American dream of the wife and kids...I understand that and respect that.

In fact I respect and understood everything he did up until he decided to call you up. Not because he decided to reunite with a former gay friend, but because he is treating your friendship like a second hand me down.

See this what I PERSONALLY think. I think your old friend decided they wanted to have a wife and family..okay. He decided to get married and to put his old feelings and desires behind him, or... well surpress them. To do that he had to get rid of anything, that could jeopardize this new life, and hurt the chances of him sticking to it. Therego gives of the gay lifestyle and the gay friends that came with it. He could have easily given up the lifestyle without giving up the friendship, but he was taking himself out of temptation, and he knew he was going to be tempted, a lot with being friends with you. Once again I understand that.

Cut to four years later, and that plan still failed. Either he just couldn't let those feelings for men go, or old wifey wasn't getting enough because he wasn't laying it down enough, because why?...because he likes men. I know for a fact certain dl men who are married men are like that...I had a minister, who I screwed around with once tell me, he tells his wife that he has a low sex drive, so they won't have sex much. However bcause for whatever reason it didn't work out, he just comes back to you and his other gay former friends, as if nothing.

I don't think I'm quite as...pissed, that you two are reuniting...I actually think it's actually a nice quality that you aren't holding grudges, about a person who dropped you like a hot potatoe because you were still gay and he wasn't anymore..well for the time being.
However more so that in the same post you talk about not talking to your good friend anymore, and how you have no regret in your decision to stop being friends with them, yet you will continue to be friends with a person who you felt was a true friend at the time stop talking to you, who hasn't spoken to you in four years, because "God" told them not to and was moving him in a new direction...what God changed his mind,now?

What happens if "God" changs his mind again and decides for a time again that your friendship isn't the right direction, you goign to open that door again, once that decision doesn't pan out?

Am I the only one confused?

Sorry about the long ass comment, but I don't know how else to express myself,I wasn't given the gift to sum it up in five words.