Thursday, July 24, 2008

Cutting Ties

The previous posting proved prophetic, because today, after many disagreements, I was left with no other choice but to cut off a person who I considered a good friend for about four years. I will not discuss the exact thing that lead to my decision, but he knows what he said and did. It sucks to realize that the person you think is gonna be a friend for a lifetime turns out to be one only for a season. But hey, it's another lesson learned. I'm better off without him anyway!

In my four years of knowing this person, I was there for him through his highs and lows: the arguments with his mother, the friends and ex-boyfriends who have come and gone, the life-altering news he received back in August, 2005, and many other things. Even though some of the things he went through I couldn't entirely relate to, I was a shoulder to lean on in times when it was necessary. And sometimes, just being there is enough. Along the way, there were a few instances where what he said got under my skin. He can be very kind-hearted when he wants to be, but he also can be cold and vicious when he feels like he is being attacked. I'm a pretty laid-back, subtle person. So it must be a pretty big issue to get me upset. Many times before, I thought about ending our friendship. But I kept being reminded (and reminding myself) that true friends last a lifetime, and you have to accept people for who they are.

But how much are you supposed to accept about a true friend when you are starting to portray anger on the inside, an emotion that is completely out of your character? What kind of friend do you really have where the person no longer values the friendship you have and quickly dismisses your thoughts, feelings, and opinions? What does it say about a person's true character where he speaks his mind to people with no problems, but yet gets very defensive and does not want to hear what you have to say about him when he does something wrong (or worse, feel that what you have to say is always wrong)? I pondered all of these questions to myself before I told said friend that I no longer wanted to be bothered with him anymore. It honestly was just too much work for me to be his friend. Friends are supposed to lift you up and bring out the very best in you, and everything I said to him lately turned into him beating me down. Shit, who needs that??? And frankly, anyone he interacts with is going to have to deal with that. He's intelligent and witty, but God help you if you ever disagree with him!

And after I reached that decision, I felt like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. I felt my anger going away. I was and am content with it. I refuse to be bitter about this, because it's a wasted form of energy. Hell, I know the person is gonna be sleeping at night regardless. And I also know that all things work together for the good. It's making me into a better man. I wish the person inner peace and happiness. But I will no longer sacrifice my happiness just to call somebody a friend. I must move on now and keep growing as a person.

8 comments:

ShawnQt said...

all I can say is... wow.

fuzzy said...

I can believe that it happened, But I am kinda surprised that it happened. I understand. That is all I really can say is that I understand!

jerzey_reality said...

Unfortunately there are times when u have to cut people out of ur life in order to grow, develop, and/or just find peace.

Thoughts said...

This post helped me a lot. My friend and I have not been speaking for almost 2 months and I dont know why, but I think I now have the strength and courage to move one without him. Like you I thought he would be in my life forever, but seasons come and seasons change. Thanks for the post.

Promiscuous X said...

Oh wow umm okay Hey do what yo must. Oh thanks for that Ghetto Wedding Email I had everybody in the office crscking the hell up. Im still waiting for my invite (Coughing) LOl :)

Darius T. Williams said...

Just added you to my bloglines...I'll be checking you out.

Cocoa Rican said...

Two year after cutting a friend of over 20 years loose I can say that sometimes it's necessary. Some folks need time to evaluate the weight of your friendship and some folks just don't deserve your friendship. Time will tell. In my case, we never went back to being friends and I can tell you that I am better for it and I have no anger, hard feelings or ill will toward that friend. Do you...be true to your heart and everything will sort itself out. Stay up pa.

Ty said...

Well, hopefully the separation is just for a season. Sometimes you separate yourself from friends and like a bf relationship, the time gives you both time to reevaluate everything. After a while, you two may make amends.