Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Reevaluating Friendships

I sent this out through e-mail to my friends and coworkers. Everybody I sent it to loved it, so I thought I'd share this with all of you. Hope it resonates with you just as much as it resonated with me and all the others I sent it to...

There comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path. Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who drain our energy. We can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we're trying to do and who positively support our efforts to walk our path.

We can begin this evaluation process by simply noticing how we feel in the context of each one of our close relationships. We may begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that we ourselves need to let go of in order to move forward. Or we may find that we have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting us down, or not showing up for us when we need support. There are many ways to go about changing the status quo in situations like this, having a heart to heart with our friend showing through example. This process isn't so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships so that they support us on our journey rather than holding us back.

An important part of this process is looking at ourselves and noticing what kind of friend we are to the people in our lives. We might find that as we adjust our own approach to a relationship, challenging ourselves to be more supportive and positive, our friends make adjustments as well and the whole world benefits.


ponoono said...

I usually approach it more simply.. I scroll through my cell phone address list and anyone who hasn't called me in a month gets deleted. Forever.

YoungBlack&DL said...

I compeltely see, where you are going with this.I find my energy drained often, by other people, to the point, where I don't want to be around them at all. I know the people, but I t hink it is easier said than done.

I think it is easy to say, well let me sit down with them, and giving them example, and everthing will be honky dory, after that. For me it just isn't that easy. A lot of the time after that heart to heart, things go right back to the way they were. SOmetimes I guess you just have to cut the m off, I guess.

NowI'm not talking about cutting them off like Ponoono suggest, I think thats a litle harsh.I don't talk to you for a month, nad you erase my number forever, I mean really. Who talks to everbody in their contact list every month.SO if I have a really busy and hectic month, then that's it, we are through forever, geeze!

But back to what you were saying, this has been my feelings exactly for a while now, not just about friends, but about family also!

jerzey_reality said...

I know how it is when dealing with friends who drain u. I've actually been dealing wit friends and family who have donenothing but cause me more drama and headache than anything else.
I've tried moving on and surrounding myself with positive individuals but for some reason these old friends/family members refuse to fall waaayyy back. like youndblack&dl said, I've tried talking to these people but things jus go right back to the way they were.

I think that in order to better ouselves sometimes we may have to cut certain individuals out of our lives. Might be mean as hell but u gotta do wut u gotta do to be where/who u wanna be right?

Prince Xem VanAdams-Lumumba said...

Our True friends are like STARS. You May Not ALWAYS be Up or around to see them, but we ALWAYS know they are there.

Keep them CLOSE, Regardless of how 'LONG' its been since you've last seen or heard from them. As we have become OLDER, it becomes a lot HARDER to Keep In Touch, as often as we did in High School and UnderGrad.

Its simply the Way of The World.

fuzzy said...

ponono, lemme call you now. I don't wanna be deleted! lol

Ummmm I am back and fourth about removing friends. I am over you one day and I have forgotten about what you did to piss me off, or it seems minor the following days and we are back on good terms! I wonder why that is?

ponoono said...

fuzzy... its cuz u smoked so many j's in high school you can't even remember your way home most days :)

autonomous said...

Makes you take a step back huh?
&& yes it gets tiresome dealing with friendships and relationships, just trying to maintian is a job in itself. Good Post guy.

Promiscuous X said...

Friends who needs them ....umm maybe on occasion lol