Monday, September 10, 2007

Mr. Nice Guy? For What?!

I am sitting here a little hurt but extremely annoyed. The person that considers me his best friend (whom I have known for about 3 1/2 years) has a strange way of showing it. (Those in my circle know who I'm talking about.) We've had spats before, but today's was a little worse than the others.

The latest spat involved the very root of all evil...money (or, in this case, a bill). A few months ago, my said "best friend" stated that he wanted a laptop and asked me for advice on which one to get. I suggested a Dell because I've had the most positive experiences with them. So I spent a day or two looking on the Dell Web site to try to find one that was best for him. Because I have a Dell card, I even took it one step further and agreed to put the laptop on my card and have him give me the money back in installments. The first payment was fine, but as time progressed, the payments started to arrive later and later. Now he sends me the money only a few days in advance, which does not really work for me because I need to time for the money to: a) post to my account (because it still is a bank transaction after all) and b) pay the bill online. In the past few months, the bill was paid literally on the day it was due. I don't like payin bills on the due date; if I can handle it, I would rather them to be paid with days (hell, even a week) left over so that I won't run the risk of encountering a late payment and thus, showing up negatively on my credit report. The first time he did this, I was a little annoyed but I got over it. But this time I was not so forgiving. As the due date quickly approached, I felt it necessary to send him an e-mail reminding him that I still needed the money, to which he replied that he would have the money for me on Friday (this past Friday). Friday came and went with no money-exchange. The next day I text him and asked him when he was gonna give me the money, to which he replied, "As soon as I get outta bed." (Mind you, this was 1PM Saturday, and he tells me that he "forgot" about the money the other day. But yet, he sure didn't forget to keep asking me when the laptop had been ordered and arrived.) A few hours later, he finally drops by unannounced, hands me the money, then promptly leaves. It was as if he was annoyed and he was doing me a favor. Hellooooooo....it's your responsibility! I was the one that was (and should be) annoyed, and with every reason. Now I had to scramble to make sure the money was in my account and the bill was paid by Tuesday. *Sigh* So I called him and told him to make sure the money gets to me earlier. Reluctantly, he agrees.

Anyway, by the time today rolls around, I can't really say I was mad, but I definitely just wanted to clear the air and let him know where I stood with this situation, because I didn't have a chance to really speak with him about it on Saturday or Sunday. So I e-mailed him and told him that the reason why I was a little annoyed is because I went out of my way to do a nice thing for him, and his getting an attitude with me about the promptness of his payment gave off the aura of someone being ungrateful, rude and inconsiderate. In a nutshell, his reply was that I "just wanted to complain," that I was "whining," and how I needed to "get over it." But then he says to me that after he finishes paying me for the laptop to never do anything for him again! Excuse me??!! So I said, "If that's the way you feel, then fine."
He got a lotta fuckin nerve! And to add insult to injury, he forwards our conversation to some of our friends and to his coworker (as if her opinion really matters), and he claims that nobody agreed with me. It was basically some underhanded shit to me to try to make me into this dude with serious mental problems while he's the innocent victim who didn't do anything wrong, which disgusted me!

Yes it started out as just an issue about a bill, but it's really escalated into a bigger issue. Almost everything I say he brushes off. If it doesn't fit his little criteria of what is right or logical, then you're wrong and he doesn't wanna hear it. I am tired of it, and it hurts my heart to know that somebody who claims I'm such a best friend can also be so passive concerning others. But I'm a little angry at myself because none of this would've happened if I wasn't tryin to be so nice. I am really starting to hate it, cause you can only be so nice for so long before somebody comes along and screws you. First my aunt (that's another story), and now him. Sometimes I feel like I'm abusing myself for being a fuckin nice guy. As much as I really don't wanna say this, I think I'm gonna have to get rid of this "nice guy" persona. It's not getting me anywhere. But I'm probably just talking out of bitterness and anger right now. Time will tell though.

19 comments:

Promiscuous X said...

Dam I know what u mean. I put a friend on my cellphone plan an dat didn't work. Money was always late, even received partial or no payment.There was nothn wrong with u reassuring ya friend money was due. Especially previously receiving late payments. Ya alleged best friend was wrong for bringing other people into the mix. That was a lil immature if you ask me. Your a nice guy jerseybrotha don't change dat. Jus learn from this experience an think twice before volunteering again cause it might come back around an bite u in the ass like this situation for instance.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Soldier said...

well damn...

Trackstar said...

Damn can't we all just get along

Jay said...

Ok having to read the post and bnm's comment twice, I'm prepared to do what I said I wasn't going to do, I'm going to give my full unfiltered response to the issue. No shade is intended and I'm not taking sides.

There is a reason why I don't lend money to friends, it becomes very sticky, especially when the sum of the money at hand is larger than $10 (say what you want but its true). Really think hard, how many times have you heard me say I lent a friend/associate money?

Jb- you need to take some responsibility for this situation. What I didn't hear when I 1st learned of this situation nor did I read from your blog was a date/ day of the month you needed the money. This should have been addressed upfront. If you know you like to pay your bills early you should have addressed this upfront. If I'm reading this blog correctly you also made another big mistake in the lending game. If the bill is outside your budget don't lend the money. Sounds like the part bnm is not getting is that you are paying online but need his MONEY ORDER to have the funds in your account. Things happen I realize, but this is a problem as you see.

Bnm- come on, we should know better than waiting two or three days before the bill is due. Not only did he tell u it takes a day for the money order to clear in his account (whether you want to accept that or not, you have to understand that's the information he is working with), I know from personal experience that some websites take two business days to post payments to an account and require an additional fee for same day processing.

With all that being said, it seems like everyone is missing the point of the post. Jb is feeling like bnm does not really value his opinion/feelings. Sometimes from my view, it does seem that bnm dismisses jb and down plays his ideas and suggestions. This is an issue I don't know if bnm is aware he does, but he does come off dissmissive at times. That's something the 2 of you need to work out privately, minus blogger and minus the crew.

Bnm don't be made that jb chose to vent here, its his blog. And back to my previous post, some of us use blogger as a diary, just so happens others can read it.

Good luck

fuzzy said...

wow good points Jay! umm i agree with all of them except for the cash value amount. I'm still waiting for my cash i lended to one of my friends. 1 week loan 1 month elapsed. i been burned lol.

i'm taking it that the comment deleted was from BNM. if you are going to loan out money it needs to be documented. with signatures lol. time loaned, payment schedule, fees and fines, etc. as for the dismissive behavior i don't think its targeted towards just you nor do i believe its intentional. the only way to fix this at this point is to have a calm conversation and reach an agreement. Come to a common ground and set guidlines for the remainder of the payment schedule.

Because of the best friend status, i am sure you can rise above this quarrel and improve relations and move onward and upward! hope everything works out!

Jay said...

See jb I told u some of my points would be lost without bnm's comment. There is a promisary (ok I'm a terrible speller, sue me) note in place, bnm made sure of that and he is keeping track of the payments.

Ty said...

What the hell?!? I miss one outing and all hell breaks loose. LOL

I agree with a lot that Jay and Fuzzy said.

On a positive note, I would say to not let this get out of hand (maybe too late). The fact is that you were nice enough to lend him the credit and he is paying. It may be close to late but he is paying. It could be another way. Hopefully you two can work this out.

One Man’s Opinion said...

The best way to loose a friend is to lend them money. I know you have heard that before. People begin to feel shamed when they owe a debt to someone that they can't repay right away, so they begin to withdraw. Hopefully you will both over come this and your friendship will grow stronger, but seriously, brother. Never lend a friend or family money, unless you can afford not to have it paid back. That should always be the mindset.

Forge said...

I'm gonna have to agree with One Man on this one. I have never loaned money to anyone without thinking that I was never going to get it back. That way, when I got even half of it back I was one happy negro. The only person I am willing to lean money to these day is my mom, because I know I ain't getting that back, but it makes her feel better to consider it a loan.
In fact, the only time I have only let someone borrow money and got is all back was to a white waitress that I worked with long ago. I only let her borrow the money so she could get her abusive money out of jail and I knew that if I did not loan it to her she was going to have to sleep with her boyfriend's best friend in order to get the money. Sad, I know. Anyway, I never saw anyone work so hard to pay a person back.
Good luck with your situation.

Forge said...

Also I trying to understand the type of friends this guy has that think that he is right for trying to jack up your credit. Very sad.

Jay said...

Forge- he isn't trying to jack up anyone's credit, he has not been late on payment, just paying too close. But like ty, I hope things haven't gotten too far out of hand

Promiscuous X said...

Bottom line JBs feeln are hurt. And this back n forth shit with the blogs have to stop. After I read BnMs comment I woulda deleted it too. I Aint mad at ya. You 2 need to talk asap. Minus the blog because everybodys feed back is really not helpn, just feuln the fire. I know exactly how u r feeln rite now JB. I feel certain party r takn sides to some extent but if yall can't resolve the matter BnM jus give it back. It would mean a loose of money on ur end but less of a headache.One extra bill for u (JB). The whole situation is jus fucked up. I hope yall make amends to the situation.

Jersey Brotha said...

Everyone, the issue was never whether or not he was going to pay (I knew that), it was just the matter of WHEN I was receiving the payments. To Fuzzy: don't worry, he'll be posting his rebuttal of his version of the truth very soon lol. Stay tuned...

fuzzy said...

@ jerseybrotha: Lol at his version of the truth! no shade of course, just sounded funny! And I didn't think it was in question whether BNM was gonna pay the money back, just on the punctuality of the payment(s). I grow weary, I wanna post something funny, Stay Tuned for that!

Mr. Jones said...

Money and friends never mix...ever.

I don't even discuss money with my friends. I actually make every effort to avoid it.

Soldier said...

HOW DARE YOU GET CONFUSED BETWEEN ME AND THE CAPTAIN ????

i am so MAD AT U

Go back to X's blog and check your latest comment u wrote Soldier but im sure u meant " Captain "

Jersey Brotha said...

Oops my bad @ Soldier. A little slip-up lol. I just corrected the comment. Thanx for catchin that one.

ponoono said...

JB - do you remember the 3rd rule of life?

"No good deed goes unpunished."