Be Optimistic Through It All

I usually don't come off sounding preachy, but this is a rare exception.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been talking online with a cool ass dude from East Orange. He hit me up first, and he seemed like he was sane (thank God for that lol). He's 20 years old and about to go to college to further his education. At first, his age turned me off, cause dudes that age really don't have much to talk to me about. But this one is very down-to-earth and has a sense of humor (big pluses in my book). I saw a face pic of him already, but one day he asked if I wanted to see his other pics on his Myspace page. I said OK. So as I gazed through his pics, there was one that particularly got my attention...he was in a wheelchair. Of course, I've seen people in wheelchairs before, but I have never had a real conversation with anyone in one before (as crazy as that sounds). Not wanting to offend him, I politely asked him, "What happened to you that you ended up in a wheelchair?" He wasn't offended at all, and he was more than happy to answer my question....that he was born with a spinal cord defect that caused his hips to separate. Hence, he couldn't walk. He had his tough times throughout his life. But his response was, "Such is life." And we all know that going to school with kids can be brutal, especially for someone with a disablility. Hell, they can be some cruel ass bastards sometimes. But in spite of that, he has still managed to keep an upbeat attitude and is extremely independent (since 15, he told me). I was dyin when he told me about his fights and how he whupped some ass in his chair lmao.

After talking with him, it really made me realize how blessed I am and how grateful I should be. If a person who has been in a wheelchair ALL HIS LIFE can focus on the positive even through his disability, then what the hell is my able-bodied ass complaining about? Yes, we are all human and are gonna gripe sometimes because of the problems life brings us (whether it's with our finances, jobs, families, relationships, etc.), but we must realize and always remember that all things work together for our good. Everything we go through happens for reason, and it teaches and shows us just how strong of a person we are. I'm reminded of the Sounds of Blackness song called "Optimistic," and the chorus goes "As long as you keep/Your head to the sky/You can win." My online friend has inspired me to do less complaining and have more gratefulness. I have learned to keep my head to the sky. What about you?

Am I Missing Something?

I know some of you have heard this before, but I feel the need to reiterate it: I LOVE and enjoy being single. I tell you, when I tell people on my job that I'm single, they're genuinely surprised and look at me weird. And then when I tell them that I'm not really dating, they really get surprised. (They will seriously gag if I told them what sex I've dated lol.) Anyway, one of them told me that it was time for me to settle down and find someone. Then an old high school classmate that I had just gotten in contact with again was asking me (through e-mail) why I was single. I gave them both my customary answer: "Love will find me in due time." Do I believe that? Sometimes I do, most times I don't. In that area of my life, I just let the chips fall where they may. Hell, sometimes I try to stop the damn chips from falling altogether lol. But that's the nonchalant side coming out of me. I try to understand their way of thinking, but I'm having a hard time. Maybe they're just taken aback that a good-looking (no I'm not conceited), semi-successful dude with a good head on his shoulders is still walking around unattached. Who knows, but I know I ain't worried about it. So why are they?

But honestly, is there something wrong with me wanting to stay single? Is it weird for a 29-year-old man to say that he rarely dates and is not looking for a relationship? I know that everybody needs somebody, but does that automatically mean a significant other? Why can't it mean family or good friends? They will be there much longer than a man will! I can be happy without a boo dammit. And besides, I just don't think I have the patience to deal with the bullshit that most dudes dish out (as I experienced firsthand this week lol). It's hard being people's friend these days, let alone being their date/boyfriend. I would like to know what yall think. Help a brotha out. Am I missing something?

My Icebox Continues (Part 2)

As promised, here is my continuation of my icebox. OK, so I finally got in contact today (through text) with the dude from Friday. He hit me up when I was on my lunch break. He sent me his normal text ("Wassup"). After a few brief text exchanges, I finally came out with it and told him that he's a nice dude but he's not my type. To which his reply was, "Never said I was looking to be anyone's type. To be real with you, you was never my type either." I couldn't help but wonder, was I too MASCULINE for him lol. Who knows? I left that one alone. But then he tells me *drum roll* that he has a boyfriend! Oh reaaaaaallly??? When I read that, my big eyes grew even bigger, but rest assured I was not trippin at all. I laughed after a while cause I pay these dudes no attention most times. Then my inquisitive side got the best of me, so I asked him how long he's been with his dude and how things are going. (Cause why would he be goin out on dates with me if things were OK with his dude? Was he tryin to be a fake ass playa, or was he unhappy and trying to escape his problems through me?) He tells me he's been with him since March, and things are cool. That's where the questions stopped, cause then he precedes to tell me to stop with the questions because it doesn't concern me. I simply replied "LOL whateva." The nerve of these dudes...tryin to have their cake and eat it too. I've already taken his name off my BGC list. I'll give myself up to a week to delete him from my Yahoo IM and my phone (blame my benefit-of-the-doubt-givin side lol). Maybe he'll wanna still talk to me on a friends-type level, but I'm not holdin my breath. Oh well, another one bites the dust.

And so my icebox continues to freeze....


Until next time fellow bloggers!

My Icebox Continues (Part One)

Wassup yall,

When it comes to men, dating and especially relationships, I have an icebox where my heart used to be. Hey, I'm not ashamed to tell it. (But don't get me wrong, I'm still a cool-ass person.) It's been that way for a LONG time, and I'm not holding my breath on if that will change soon lol. Let me tell you my latest encounter:

Yesterday I went out on a second "date" with this 23-year-old dude I met online. (I put off meeting up with him again for as long as I could lol.) He seems like a nice dude, but he's a little too fem and brash for me. Anyway, we agreed that we would go see Rush Hour 3 up at Essex Green at 10:15, and he told me to call him once I got to his area in Orange. So around 9:05 I exited 280 and hit him up. No answer. I called a second time. No answer again. I called a third time and left him a VM. Not wanting to leave the area, I parked my car on a side street literally around the corner from his house and left him another VM and text. I waited 40 DAMN MINUTES for him to return his call. At this point, I'm pissed! So I said to myself, if he doesn't answer this one last call, I'm goin home. I call him one last time and lo and behold, he decides to answer. I ask him where has he been and if he got all of my texts and VMs, to which he replies he didn't cause his phone doesn't get a good signal where he is. Hmmm....he had no problems texting and calling me non-stop from his home when I was on the train coming back home earlier, I thought. Then he tells me that he was away from his phone because he was busy cleaning up his house! WTF??!! Didn't we have a "date" scheduled??? So he apologized (half-heartedly in my book) and I asked him if he still wanted to go to the movies. By this time it's damn near 10:00, and the last movie is at 10:15. So either we were gonna be late or barely get there on time. So he goes, whatever u wanna do. *Sigh* I hate when dudes say that to me if we're goin out a date. He starts mentioning some places where we can go for a few drinks (good idea!), so we stop at some lounge/bar/restaurant in South Orange called Toro (nice restaurant, bad service) where I enjoyed an appetizer and a big glass of Grey Goose and cranberry. Most of the time we were both sendin texts back and forth and occasionally conversing. And honestly, I was just ready to send his ass right back home. He fucked up my night! After that, one of his peoples called him and told him that they were outside his house and they wanted to go to the city and chill. Thank God, I thought to myself, now I can get rid of his ass. So I dropped him off and went on home. This was around midnight.

So now I'm gonna get in contact with him very soon to let him know that I really do not see this going anywhere, and he can either take it or leave it (I'm not gonna say the last part to him though. I still care somewhat about people's feelings.) I text him this morning simply asking if he enjoyed his night out, to which I got no response. He's probably working at the hair salon anyway, so it's cool. But I gotta tell him sooner rather than later and cut my losses (not that it's a loss for me any damn way!).

So, just like all the others, I got tired of this dude after only a few encounters. I know I know...why? And why did I go out on a second date with him? I really don't know why. It's become sort of a sub-conscious thing with me. There's always one thing that really irks me about a dude, and I find myself resisting and keeping my distance, which prevents anything from developing. As far as why I went out on a second date, as much as an icebox I have, I really do like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I thought that by the time the second date came around, there would've been something new that I found in him that I really liked or was attracted to. But there wasn't, and now I'm gonna tell dude that, even though he's a nice dude, I have no attraction to him and I don't see anything evolving. I'll probably hit him up tomorrow cause I'm enjoying the night out for my boy's b-day, and I refuse to let that fool fuck up my night tonite lol.

Stay tuned....

To My Friend on His Special Day

I found this poem online. This could be applied to any one of my friends, but this is dedicated to my really good friend Jay on his special day. Out of all the friends I know that I chill with on the regular, I've known him the longest. This is for him:

Friendship . . .

. . . is you.
. . . is love.
. . . is shared.
. . . is forgiving.
. . . is understanding.
. . . is shared secrets.
. . . heals many hurts.
. . . is not judgmental.
. . . is shared laughter.
. . . is slow and steady.
. . . can be angry at times.
. . . is dependable and true.
. . . is more precious than silver or gold.
. . . is meant to be savored like fine wine.
. . . is not perfect, much like we are not perfect.
. . . does not hold grudges or demand perfection.
. . . makes all the wrong things in life, right somehow.
. . . is meant to be gulped like lemonade on a hot summer day.
. . . is always there, through times of trial, happy times and hard times.
. . . just happens, but once discovered, needs to be tended like a beautiful garden.
. . . is a road to be traveled slowly, remembering the sights and sounds.
. . . is strength when you are too weak to notice its there.
. . . is a cherished moment of mutual understanding.
. . . reaches into your heart and grabs a firm hold.
. . . is a refreshing rain on a hot day.
. . . is sunshine through the clouds.
. . . cannot be forced or induced.
. . . is relaxed and comfortable.
. . . is a shoulder to lean on.
. . . is an ear to whine to.
. . . gets better with age.
. . . is shared tears.
. . . is shared pain.
. . . is shared joy.
. . . is shared.
. . . is love.
. . . is you.

Happy Birthday Jay! Much luv to u!

Yes I Finally Did It!

Well I've finally arrived into the world that is Blogspot. I'm sure my friends (you know who you are) are all breathing sighs of relief knowing that I've given in to their peer pressures, relented, and joined them lol. And they can also rest assured that they will be able to post comments to my blog with NO HASSLES and NO PROBLEMS at all (right everybody?). But honestly, I like this little Blogspot better than Livejournal. It has a certain flair and vibrance about it, but maybe I'm just being overdramatic lol. But welcome ya boy with open arms!

As far as what my blog will entail, it's hard to say. I can't promise you quick witted, sharp words of wisdom like Dee or dancing You Tube clips like Shawn, but what I can tell you is that I will do my very best to make sure you can relate to and/or understand a dude that was reared in many parts of the Garden State. And I will try not to make my subtlety turn this blog into boring bullshit lol.

And with that said, I am open to any suggestions on what my first topic should be about. We all need a little push, so somebody please push me into a topic. Then I'll be OK after that. I'll allow one week for suggestions. Make em good, make em believable, make em ME!